The Devil's Name Is Toby

"Satan Inflicting Boils" on Job, by William Blake

Watch on Youtube: ~ The Devil's Name Is Toby

"A Warm Welcome"

The Devil (Toby): Uh, hello. It's nice to see you all here. Now, as the more perceptive of you've probably realized, this is Hell. And I am the Devil, good evening. But you may call me "Toby", if you like. We try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal... that's just a little joke... I tell it every time.

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Now, you're all here for Eternity... oooh, which I hardly need to tell you is a heck of a long time. So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end. But for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups... will you STOP SCREAMING!?

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Thank you. Now, murderers? Murderers? Over here, please. Thank you. Uh, looters and pillagers over here, thieves, if you could join them, and lawyers, you're in that lot. Uh, fornicators, if you could step forward? My God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest?

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Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner there. The French, are you here? If you'd just like to come down here with the Germans, that'd be lovely... I'm sure you have plenty to talk about. Okay, uhm... Atheists? Atheists? You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. Never mind.

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And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you could come down here with the others... that would be really kind. Thank you. Okay, right, well are there any questions?

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Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your Bible you might have seen that it was damnation "without relief", so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolph, and I'll catch you all later at the barbecue... bye!

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A slightly different version of this is here.

Some Fun Devil Music At Youtube: ~

• The Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil
• INXS - Devil Inside
• Elvis Presley - Devil in Disguise
• Metallica - Devils Dance
• Van Halen - Runnin With The Devil
• Beck - Devils Haircut
• Leslie Nielson - Devil With Blue Dress
• Primus - The Devil Went Down To Georgia
• Stereophonics - Devil
• Cliff Richard - Devil Woman
• Dave Matthews - Some Devil
• Danzig - Devils Plaything
• Billy Talent - Devil In A Midnight Mass
• Vanessa Mae - The Devil's Trill
• Alice Cooper - Devils Food

My favourite of these is the classic version of "Sympathy For The Devil" by The Rolling Stones but Beck gets a mention for modern musical genius.

Your favourite "Devil Song" isn't here?

Tell me what it is by leaving a comment.

By Request: ~

• ACDC - Highway To Hell
• ACDC - Hells Bells

devil , rowan atkinson , satan , devil music , hell , toby