BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

: Name: beepbeepitsme; Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.

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"DIFFICILE EST SATURAM NON SCRIBERE"

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The Out Campaign: Scarlet Letter of Atheism

"Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?" Alexander Pope

"The primary function of myth is to validate an existing social order. Myth enshrines conservative social values, raising tradition on a pedestal." Ann Oakley

"Some treat their longing for God as proof of His existence." Mason Cooley

"The god of the Christians, as we have seen, is the god who makes promises only to break them; who sends them pestilence and disease in order to heal them; a god who demoralizes mankind in order to improve it. A god who created man 'after his own image', and still the origin of evil in man is not accredited to him." Johann Most

"In love, we worry more about the meaning of silences than the meaning of words." Mason Cooley

"My philosophy is such that I am not going to vote against the oppressed. I have been oppressed, and so I am always going to have a vote for the oppressed, regardless of whether that oppressed is black or white or yellow or the people of the Middle East, or what. I have that feeling." Septima Clark

"Secular humanists suspect there is something more gloriously human about resisting the religious impulse; about accepting the cold truth, even if that truth is only that the universe is as indifferent to us as we are to it." Tom Flynn

"If the question is put to me would I rather have a miserable ape for a grandfather or a man highly endowed by nature and possessed of great means of influence and yet who employs those faculties and that influence for the mere purpose of introducing ridicule into a grave scientific discussion—I unhesitatingly affirm my preference for the ape." Thomas Henry Huxley

Project Gutenberg is the oldest producer of free ebooks on the Internet. The collection was produced by hundreds of volunteers.

"Give the right man a solar myth, and he'll confute the sun therewith." James Russell Lowell

"Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone. Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon. Show me slowly what I only know the limits of. Dance me to the end of love." Leonard Cohen

"If God is male, then male is God. The divine patriarch castrates women as long as he is allowed to live on in the human imagination." Mary Daly

"If the people were a little more ignorant, astrology would flourish - if a little more enlightened, religion would perish." Robert Green Ingersoll

"In other words (so to speak): not two and also not not two." Magellan's Log V

"History is, strictly speaking, the study of questions; the study of answers belongs to anthropology and sociology." W.H. Auden

"Archaeology is the peeping Tom of the sciences. It is the sandbox of men who care not where they are going; they merely want to know where everyone else has been." Jim Bishop

"To excavate is to open a book written in the language that the centuries have spoken into the earth." Spyridon Marinatos

"Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed." Thomas Henry Huxley

"The place has changed but little since Diana received the homage of her worshippers in the sacred grove. The temple of the sylvan goddess, indeed, has vanished and the King of the Wood no longer stands sentinel over the Golden Bough." Sir James George Frazer

"Babylonian king (1792BCEâ€“1750BCE) who made Babylon the chief Mesopotamian kingdom and codified the laws of Mesopotamia and Sumeria." The American Heritage

"We are ourselves history and share the responsibility for world history and our position in it. But we gravely lack awareness of this responsibility." Hermann Hesse

"Astrology: do we make a hullabaloo among the stars, or do they make a hullabaloo down here?" Mason Cooley

"Readers are plentiful: thinkers are rare." Harriet Martineau

"The Christian religion is a parody on the worship of the Sun, in which they put a man whom they call Christ, in the place of the Sun, and pay him the same adoration which was originally paid to the Sun." Thomas Paine

"Zoroaster was thus the first to teach the doctrines of an individual judgment, Heaven and Hell, the future resurrection of the body, the general Last Judgment, and life everlasting for the reunited soul and body. These doctrines were to become familiar articles of faith to much of mankind, through borrowings by Judaism, Christianity and Islam; yet it is in Zoroastrianism itself that they have their fullest logical coherence.â€ - Mary Boyce

"My esoteric doctrine, is that if you entertain any doubt, it is safest to take the unpopular side in the first instance. Transit from the unpopular, is easy ... but from the popular to the unpopular is so steep and rugged that it is impossible to maintain it." William Lamb Melbourne

"With reason one can travel the world over; without it it is hard to move an inch." Chinese proverb.

"Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. Bribery and corruption are common. Children no longer obey their parents. . . . The end of the world is evidently approaching." Sound familiar? It is, in fact, the lament of a scribe in one of the earliest inscriptions to be unearthed in Mesopotamia, where Western civilization was born. C. John Sommerville

""La superstition est Ã la religion ce que lâ€™astrologie est Ã lâ€™astronomie, la fille trÃ¨s folle dâ€™une mÃ¨re trÃ¨s sage. Ces deux filles ont longtemps subjuguÃ© toute la terre." Voltaire

"The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago ... had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands." Havelock Ellis

"It (myth) expresses and confirms, rather than explains or questions, the sources of cultural attitudes and values... Because myth anchors the present in the past it is a sociological charter for a future society which is an exact replica of the present one." Ann Oakley

"Starry, starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze, swirling clouds in violet haze, reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue." Don McLean

"NOT from the stars do I my judgment pluck, and yet methinks I have astronomy, But not to tell of good or evil luck, Of plagues, of dearths, or seasonsâ€™ quality..." William Shakespeare

"Moreover, the universe as a whole is infinite, for whatever is limited has an outermost edge to limit it, and such an edge is defined by something beyond. Since the universe has no edge, it has no limit; and since it lacks a limit, it is infinite and unbounded. Moreover, the universe is infinite both in the number of its atoms and in the extent of its void." Epicurus

"Most people today still believe, perhaps unconsciously, in the heliocentric universe every newspaper in the land has a section on astrology, yet few have anything at all on astronomy." Hannes Alfven

BLOGS, SITES AND PARAPHERNALIA

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Devil's Name Is Toby

"Satan Inflicting Boils" on Job, by William Blake

Watch on Youtube: ~ The Devil's Name Is Toby

"A Warm Welcome"

The Devil (Toby): Uh, hello. It's nice to see you all here. Now, as the more perceptive of you've probably realized, this is Hell. And I am the Devil, good evening. But you may call me "Toby", if you like. We try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal... that's just a little joke... I tell it every time.

Now, you're all here for Eternity... oooh, which I hardly need to tell you is a heck of a long time. So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end. But for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups... will you STOP SCREAMING!?

Thank you. Now, murderers? Murderers? Over here, please. Thank you. Uh, looters and pillagers over here, thieves, if you could join them, and lawyers, you're in that lot. Uh, fornicators, if you could step forward? My God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest?

Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner there. The French, are you here? If you'd just like to come down here with the Germans, that'd be lovely... I'm sure you have plenty to talk about. Okay, uhm... Atheists? Atheists? You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. Never mind.

And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you could come down here with the others... that would be really kind. Thank you. Okay, right, well are there any questions?

Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your Bible you might have seen that it was damnation "without relief", so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolph, and I'll catch you all later at the barbecue... bye!

A slightly different version of this is here.

Some Fun Devil Music At Youtube: ~

My favourite of these is the classic version of "Sympathy For The Devil" by The Rolling Stones but Beck gets a mention for modern musical genius.

Your favourite "Devil Song" isn't here?

Tell me what it is by leaving a comment.

By Request: ~

devil , rowan atkinson , satan , devil music , hell , toby

Link

9 Comments:

Anonymous said...: Ah, Rowan. An excelent sketch...; 5/8/06 6:50 pm
Steven Bently said...: HIGHWAY TO HELLLLLLL, BY AC/DC

I'm an Atheist, but I love Jesus in those tight fitting briefs, don't you too?

Thanks Toby, now lets that furnace smoking, lets all start shoveling shit!!! praise god and Jebus!!!!

I'll be preying for you!!!; 6/8/06 12:51 am
Dikkii said...: AC/DC - Hell's Bells

Does anything by Deicide or any other satanic death metal band count? Or is this too obvious?; 8/8/06 9:25 am
beepbeepitsme said...: RE dikki:
I posted a link for "hell's Bells", but Deicide is a bit too out there for me. They might give me nightmares!; 9/8/06 12:29 am
Snave said...: I love "Sympathy For The Devil". Our band is just now learning to play it; I get to be Mick Jagger, and our drummer has a great set of congas he can rock out on. Loads o' fun, and sure to offend all kinds of right-wing religious fundamentalists where I reside, way out here in NE Oregon...; 9/8/06 1:12 pm
Dikkii said...: Beep wrote:

They (Deicide) might give me nightmares!

No worries, they're not to everyone's tastes.

How about "Gimme Hell" by the Jesus and Mary Chain?

"Satan is Boring" by Sonic Youth?

"Sixteen Different Flavours of Hell" by Pop Will Eat Itself

"Rational Hell" by You Am I.; 10/8/06 12:39 am
beepbeepitsme said...: RE dikki:
Yeah, but none of them on youtube damnit.; 10/8/06 10:36 am
Dikkii said...: Also forgot - "Hayride to Hell" by the Hoodoo Gurus.; 12/8/06 11:52 am
Dikkii said...: Oh, and "An audience with the Devil" by the Hilltop Hoods.; 13/8/06 10:59 pm

BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

About Me

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Devil's Name Is Toby

9 Comments: