BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.

"DIFFICILE EST SATURAM NON SCRIBERE"

Beepbeepitsme has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts.

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Devil's Name Is Toby

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"Satan Inflicting Boils" on Job, by William Blake

Watch on Youtube: ~ The Devil's Name Is Toby


"A Warm Welcome"

The Devil (Toby): Uh, hello. It's nice to see you all here. Now, as the more perceptive of you've probably realized, this is Hell. And I am the Devil, good evening. But you may call me "Toby", if you like. We try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal... that's just a little joke... I tell it every time.
~
Now, you're all here for Eternity... oooh, which I hardly need to tell you is a heck of a long time. So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end. But for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups... will you STOP SCREAMING!?
~
Thank you. Now, murderers? Murderers? Over here, please. Thank you. Uh, looters and pillagers over here, thieves, if you could join them, and lawyers, you're in that lot. Uh, fornicators, if you could step forward? My God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest?
~
Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner there. The French, are you here? If you'd just like to come down here with the Germans, that'd be lovely... I'm sure you have plenty to talk about. Okay, uhm... Atheists? Atheists? You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. Never mind.
~
And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you could come down here with the others... that would be really kind. Thank you. Okay, right, well are there any questions?
~
Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your Bible you might have seen that it was damnation "without relief", so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolph, and I'll catch you all later at the barbecue... bye!
~
A slightly different version of this is here.

Some Fun Devil Music At Youtube: ~

My favourite of these is the classic version of "Sympathy For The Devil" by The Rolling Stones but Beck gets a mention for modern musical genius.

Your favourite "Devil Song" isn't here?

Tell me what it is by leaving a comment.

By Request: ~


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Link

10 Comments:

Anonymous ted said...

Ah, Rowan. An excelent sketch...

5/8/06 6:50 pm  
Blogger Bentley said...

HIGHWAY TO HELLLLLLL, BY AC/DC

I'm an Atheist, but I love Jesus in those tight fitting briefs, don't you too?

Thanks Toby, now lets that furnace smoking, lets all start shoveling shit!!! praise god and Jebus!!!!

I'll be preying for you!!!

6/8/06 12:51 am  
Blogger Georgette said...

Heheh, very witty, very clever!

6/8/06 2:55 am  
Blogger Dikkii said...

AC/DC - Hell's Bells

Does anything by Deicide or any other satanic death metal band count? Or is this too obvious?

8/8/06 9:25 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE dikki:
I posted a link for "hell's Bells", but Deicide is a bit too out there for me. They might give me nightmares!

9/8/06 12:29 am  
Blogger Snave said...

I love "Sympathy For The Devil". Our band is just now learning to play it; I get to be Mick Jagger, and our drummer has a great set of congas he can rock out on. Loads o' fun, and sure to offend all kinds of right-wing religious fundamentalists where I reside, way out here in NE Oregon...

9/8/06 1:12 pm  
Blogger Dikkii said...

Beep wrote:

They (Deicide) might give me nightmares!

No worries, they're not to everyone's tastes.

How about "Gimme Hell" by the Jesus and Mary Chain?

"Satan is Boring" by Sonic Youth?

"Sixteen Different Flavours of Hell" by Pop Will Eat Itself

"Rational Hell" by You Am I.

10/8/06 12:39 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE dikki:
Yeah, but none of them on youtube damnit.

10/8/06 10:36 am  
Blogger Dikkii said...

Also forgot - "Hayride to Hell" by the Hoodoo Gurus.

12/8/06 11:52 am  
Blogger Dikkii said...

Oh, and "An audience with the Devil" by the Hilltop Hoods.

13/8/06 10:59 pm  

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