"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.


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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Harry Potter Is Evil

TRANSCRIPT of another one of those whacky Jesus Camp Videos.

"And while I'm on the subject. Let me say something about Harry Potter. Warlocks are enemies of god. And I don't care what sort of hero they are they're an enemy of god and had it been in the Old Testament Harry Potter would have been put to death. You don't make heroes out of warlocks. This is a generation that is going to stand for purity and righteousness and holiness and you're going to serve the lord all the days of your life."

Is there anything funnier, sadder, and more disturbing than a middle aged obese woman preaching about the evils of a fictional character in a children's book? Probably, but this is disturbing to say the least. What part of "fictional character" for entertainment purposes doesn't she understand? All of it, it seems. She obviously have a great deal of difficulty in being able to stay in touch with reality, that is for sure.

She preaches as if warlocks are real. What a silly woman. There are, of course, people out there who believe in all sorts of insanities; who may also believe that they are warlocks. But generally these people are the same people who bare their buttocks at night hoping for a visitation from from an extra terrestrial who is doing research on the human race by sticking objects up their bums. Perhaps this also explains the high degree of correlation between the bible belt, republicanism, instances of alien anal probing and closet homosexuality. I wouldn't be surprised. Frankly, I am surprised that Ted Haggard hasn't resorted to this excuse by now. Maybe he suffered a particularly vivid alien anal probing, and has spent at least part of his time since attempting to repeat the experience with other humans. But I digress.

Anyway, back to the fat chick and her protestations that if Harry Potter had been in the Old Testament he would have been put to death. Fat, ugly chicks who wore black to try and disguise their 100 lbs of extra gluttony, would have probably been put to death in the bible as well. During any of the numerous invasions in the bible, she would have been superfluous to requirements and would not have been taken as war booty. I suspect she would have eaten the war booty. And if Harry Potter ever disappears msyteriously off the face of the earth, I will suggest that we pump the fat broad's stomach.

The danger of her rant though is perfectly clear. Is she assuming that young, impressionable children have the sophistication to be able to discern the difference between " if Harry Potter had been in the Old Testament he would have been put to death" and "Harry Potter should be put to death because the bible would do that." I doubt that their comprehension skills are that well honed. Obviously, I doubt her comprehension skills and grip on reality as well.

Children are, however, intellectually sophisticated enough to understand the differences between fiction and non-fiction if it is explained to them. And most children, even if they like the fantasy part of imagining magical powers, understand that that these stories are not meant to be real and are not to be considered as actual events.

Does she intellectually understand that Harry Potter is a work of fiction and if so, why does she rail against it with such animosity? I suspect that she may know what fiction is, she just doesn't approve of the competition. Afterall, while children and adults are enjoying the books of fiction involving Harry Potter, they are not paying enough attention to HER favourite book of fiction, the bible.

"Welcome! Welcome to the new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!" - Albus Dumbledore

(I couldn't have said it better myself, Dumbledore.)

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Anonymous brad said...

I've had the same conversation with my evangelical mother. The discussion usually ends with the quote "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." How it gets there could take a while to explain, and probably isn't worth it.

I wonder, however, what the Jesus Freak of Jesus Camp or whatever lady thinks about Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or even Narnia - not to mention the evils of Disney.

However a few corrections:
" if warlocks are real."
As far as I know, there are still Druids in Florida, not to mention male neo-pagans (who aren't druidic) who call themselves warlocks.

"Fat, ugly chicks who wore black... put to death in the bible as well"
Well, maybe not the Bible, but certainly would have been put to death by Christians, Catholic or Protestant, in Europe between 1500-1700.

"...they are not paying enough attention to HER favourite book of fiction, the bible."
if not fiction, certainly full of racist tribal violence and immoral sexual perversions.

12/12/06 1:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This woman assumes that because these children are gullible enough to believe that everything they read in the bible is real, then perhaps these children might start believing in everything in other books they might read.

Or perhaps she's got such animosity because she can't see the difference between what is real and what is fiction herself. She believes what's in the bible more than what she might see with her own eyes in the world. It's sad, very, very sad.

12/12/06 2:10 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE brad: Though I agree that there are people who call themselves warlocks, wizards, necromancers, druids, neopagans etc, calling themselves such does not lend any credibility to any claims they may make concerning the supernatural.

Obviously, I consider these people to be as deluded as Betty Fisher.

RE the bible and fiction.

I don't claim that everything within the bible is fiction. It may be for example, the thoughts of some people dating back a couple of thousand years, but it takes faith to believe the supernatural accounts within it.

Just because a book in written about New York that has a vampire in it, we don't assume that the vampire is real because a place called New York actually exists.

I consider the bible according to the same thought process.

12/12/06 3:17 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beep - these from Landover Baptist:

Harry Potter 1

Harry Potter 2

12/12/06 3:36 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

LOL dikki, they are pretty funny!

12/12/06 4:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought you'd like those.

12/12/06 4:55 pm  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I guess when you live in a fictional world you fight fictional fights. Does she also believe that the wolf really ate little red ridinghood's gramma? What about the little pig's house? Does she think a wolf blew it down? What would Jesus do to the wolf? How about the pig? This is all nuts.

12/12/06 11:04 pm  
Blogger Stardust1954 said...

Very witty and funny post, beep...great writing.

We won't have to be worrying about Becky Fischer running jeebus camp for is closed down she says for at least several years
Pastor will shut down controversial kids camp

Unfortunately, she is still actively spewing forth her insane vomit here at The Fire Center

13/12/06 2:42 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE patricia

Yes, I agree, it borders on insanity.

RE stardust

Yeah, thank goodness @ jesus camp. The fire centre? That sounds ominous..

13/12/06 9:02 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

13/12/06 4:37 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...


13/12/06 4:40 pm  
Blogger King Aardvark said...

A truly frightening thing to behold, that lady. Land whale, as my brother likes to call them. Do you think the kids are actually buying it? I noticed one of the retardo moms nodding in agreement, but the kids just looked stunned.

14/12/06 2:51 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE king

One of the little girls looked frightened half to death while the land whale wnet on about the devil. That poor little kid was terrified.

14/12/06 9:11 am  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

there is conflict nothing more
theatre or tv are no fun without drama, tragedy or comedy
all the world is a stage
which part do you choose to play
are you allowed to improvide
or will you do as the scrptwriter wrote, or as the director or paymaster demands?

14/12/06 2:41 pm  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

what is in a word
what is your definition or understanding of pagan

14/12/06 2:42 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

PAGAN: of a people or community observing a polytheistic religion, as the ancient Romans and Greeks.
2. a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim.

14/12/06 2:57 pm  
Anonymous Spirula said...

a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim.

a.k.a. "someone who is not a follower of one of the three stooges of Abraham"

15/12/06 6:02 am  
Blogger Daniel said...

Kinda scary, knowing that there are people out there that are so fearful, superstitious, and absurd.

...Not to mention the hypocrisy - they probably love C.S. Lewis, but his Chronicles of Narnia are just as fanciful/magical. Just think - praying to a lion!

20/12/06 6:10 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE daniel:

The C S Lewis stories just follow the traditions of writing children's books with an adult or underlying moral message. Indoctrination at an early age is best. lol

The lion was probably chosen to be symbolic of jesus/god for a number of reasons that have more to do with the influences of british culture than anything else.

The lion, king of the beasts and representing the british royalty - becomes in the book, the symbol for the king of heaven.

Storytellers rarely let truth get in the way of a good story. The fact that lions are lazy b*stards who don't hunt if they can avoid it, and who deliberately kill the cubs of other lions if they find them, wasn't taken into consideration.

Hmmmm. But then again, maybe it was...

20/12/06 9:51 am  
Blogger under_the_mercy said...

Which is probably why its called a story...

Besides, how do you know how animals act on a different world?

25/12/06 8:17 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Which is probably why the bible is called a story too...

As for animals and how they act on another world, you need to go into detail as to how this applies to what was said.

1/1/07 11:54 am  

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