Job 37:9 "The tempest comes out from its chamber, the cold from the driving winds."
(This is an apt description of an Australian Beer fridge hard at work during the Xmas Holidays.)
Ezekiel 24:11 "Then set the empty pot on the coals till it becomes hot and its copper glows so its impurities may be melted and its deposit burned away."
(This passage describes how those poor people who live in the remote and cold southern areas of Australia must use central heating in order to avoid having their gonads frozen off.)
Daniel 4:5 "I had a dream that made me afraid. As I was lying in my bed, the images and visions that passed through my mind terrified me."
(An observant description of an Australian watching a satellite transmission of Faux News.)
1 Chronicles 21:27 "And the LORD commanded the angel; and he put up his sword again into the sheath thereof."
(Those who wish to be considered angelic, need to wear condoms.)
Genesis 1:12 "And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good."
(This one is pretty self-explanatory. It describes God's personal pot plantation in Byron Bay.)
Nahum 3:2 "The noise of a whip, and the noise of the rattling of the wheels, and of the pransing horses, and of the jumping chariots." (Most Australians recognize this immediately as a reference to chasing kangaroos through the bush in a four-wheel drive. That they consider that they are "jumping chariots" adds to their ability to out manoeuvre their pursuers.
Job 41:14 "Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about."
(Tourists to Australia should take particular notice of this passage. Many a gullible tourist has fallen prey to saltwater crocodiles. Most of those taken by saltwater crocodiles have been new earth creationists trying to cuddle them and take them back to the US as evidence that dinosaurs and humans can co-exist peacefully.)
Acts 28:3 "And when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks, and laid them on the fire, there came a viper out of the heat, and fastened on his hand."
(This is also a warning about what should be used as fuel for a fire. The spiny anteater (echidna) which can resemble a bundle of sticks on a cold night, doesn't take kindly to being chucked on a fire. It is likely to rise out of the fire like a snake and bite or scratch you either on the hand or any other organ which is not well protected.)
Exodus 20:18 "And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off."
(Anyone who has been to Ayer's Rock (Uluru) is familiar with this sight. An afternoon thunderstorm, the noise of drunken Australians blowing trumpets in the background and a glorious sunset with Uluru in the foreground. All the people are standing a long way off as if they get too close, someone will suggest they climb the damn thing, so as a precautionary measure, they stand a distance away.
Jeremiah 51:32 "And that the passages are stopped, and the reeds they have burned with fire, and the men of war are affrighted."
(This verse describes the Australian precaution of burning firebreaks in the bush during drought to halt the progression of bushfires. Therefore the passages of the fires were stopped by the burning of the long grass. The men who are doing this are somewhat anxious in case they set fire to themselves in the process.)
Joshua 11:4 "And they went out, they and all their hosts with them, much people, even as the sand that is upon the sea shore in multitude, with horses and chariots very many."
(This verse is obviously describing the annual pilgrimage to Fraser Island where thousands of tourists and their mates speed up and down the long sandy sea shore of Fraser Island in their Suvs and four wheel drives.)
These are just some of the revelations which have been personally revealed to me. If you do not accept these revelations as true, you will not be going to hell. It will be something far worse. You will be forced to live in Sydney.
This information is brought to you by HOPS, the 'Holy Order of Perpetual Smartarses'.
Goanna - Solid Rock