Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I'll keep my penis off of you
Well I'm frickin' sick and tired
Of turning on the news
And seeing the religious right's
Ungodly fight to take our right to choose
When to bear our children
Who to love and how
Education and protection
If we're just practicing for now
So dubya look obey a book
If that's what works for you
But I don't tell you how to pray
So don't tell me how to screw
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I'll keep my penis off of you
So you’re screaming bloody murder
'Bout the taliban regime
For subjugating women
And being too extreme
And basing legislation
On some ancient holy book
Does that sound a bit familiar?
Here's a mirror, have a look
And as for the ten commandments
They need one more at least
Thou shall never cover up
The acts of pervert priests
How'd they let that happen
Unless they just abhor us
Well anyway it adds
Another layer to the chorus
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I'll keep my penis off of you
So you'll execute a person
And protect a single cell
But mercy-kill the terminally ill
And you're goin' straight to hell
I don't know much about
The word of God
Far be it from me
But I can tell you what it ain't
Hypochristianity
I am not anti-Christian
Before you grab a rope
There is beauty in religion
And joy and love and hope
We're all looking for an answer
Some colossal cosmic cause
But who the fuck are you
To turn your views into my laws?
It's just believers in the bible
That would have abortion banned
Anti-choice agnostics?
I could count’em on one hand
And as for killing babies
I have but one retort
If someone raped your daughter George
You'd beg her to abort
And if some young girl from your church
Shows up with child or some infection
‘Cuz you taught her what a horrid sin
It was to use protection
One day you'll face the pearly gates
And whatchu gonna say
When that long-haired Jewish peacenick
Sends your ass the other way sayin’
Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
I've had it up to here
With all the biblibile you spew
Keep your Jesus off my penis
(at least that's what I would do)
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I'll keep my penis off of you
That's if'n you want me to
lyrics from "Eric Schwartz:
PS: ~ Deuteronomy 23.1 "No one whose testicles have been crushed or whose penis has been cut off may be admitted into the community of the Lord."
posted by beepbeepitsme | 3:13 pm
22 Comments:
"(I couldn't have said it better myself.)"
Reaally? How about "Keep your Jesus off my vagina"?
Getting the troll to comment is too easy...
"There is beauty in religion
And joy and love and hope
We're all looking for an answer
Some colossal cosmic cause
But who the fuck are you
To turn your views into my laws?"
First of all, Bush was elected by the American public. Who the 'heck' is this guy to tell America that their vote should be disregarded just because it goes against HIS beliefs? Talk about misguided and profane logic.
RE the troll:
Separation of church and state. :)
Secular law not religious law :)
Because the majority of people are stupid.
The majority of people would vote Homer Simpson for president. Oh, wait a moment. I think they did.
"Because the majority of people are stupid."
Really? So who should make the important decisions, then? Some unelected judges that are right or left wing biased? Sounds like a dictatorship scenario to me...
The foundation of American Law is the concept of majority rule/ minority rights. This balance allows the majority to elect whomever they wish to govern, but prevents that majority elected government from persecuting and opressing the minority factions. This hasn't always worked perfectly, but it is the foundation for the First Amendment. People have the right to be free to speak their mind. They have the right to be free from the establishment of religion.
The majority of people ARE stupid. That is reality. I didn't suggest that because of their stupidity that they shouldn't have a part in a voting process. That was your suggestion.
No modern government, to my knowledge is based on one vote, one value. It is a representative system with some democratic processes.
But then you should be aware of this as you have an electoral college which affords so many votes per capita per state.
Stupid isn't about intellectual capacity, either. It's about letting your emotions overwhelm your ability to reason. It's negative connotation is due to the harm generally caused - whether to one's self or to others.
Unlike intelligence, stupidity is a uniquely human trait.
Great freakin' song. {-;
Yeah, I love this song. :)
I am so tempted to put a most inappropriate link in here.
Fortunately, I can fight the temptation.
I see. In typical left wing 'elitist' fashion, you folks deem the majority simply incapable of making the right decisions in their best interests. So you still haven't answered the question I posed: Why bother voting?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
RE the troll:
Sure it sounds elitist. But is the comment accurate?
Why bother voting? Good question.
"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right...
The United States has never developed an aristocracy really disinterested or an intelligentsia really intelligent.
Its history is simply a record of vacillations between two gangs of frauds."
H. L. Mencken
RE the troll:"Reaally? How about "Keep your Jesus off my vagina"? "
You must have missed the email. Jesus doesn't like vaginas.
Actually, Jesus was a normal heterosexual flesh and blood man so I have no reason to believe that he wasn't attracted to the female vagina.
"Evidence" of either heterosexuality or homosexuality on the part of jesus is available.
If we go with "jesus existed as a person", for the sake of argument, then the evidence about his sexuality is interesting.
HOMOSEXUAL?
FROM THE GOSPEL OF PHILLIP: ~
"It is from being promised to the heavenly place that man receives nourishment. [...] him from the mouth. And had the word gone out from that place, it would be nourished from the mouth and it would become perfect. For it is by a kiss that the perfect conceive and give birth. For this reason we also kiss one another. We receive conception from the grace which is in one another."
This is phillip talking about the disciples and how they liked to kiss each other on the mouth.
FROM THE GOSPEL OF ST MARK: ~
"And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God".
GOSPEL OF JOHN:~
The disciple John frequently refers to himself in the third person as 'the disciple whom Jesus loved'. One might argue that Jesus loved all of his followers in a non-sexual way. Thus to identify Jesus' love for John in a special way might indicate a sexual relationship. The disciple was "the" beloved. He was in a class by himself.
During the Last Supper before Jesus' execution, the author(s) of the Gospel of John describes how the "beloved" disciple laid himself on Jesus' inner tunic - his undergarment.
John 13:25
"Then, leaning back on Jesus’ breast, he said to Him, “Lord, who is it?”
John 21:20
"Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them; the one who also had leaned back on His bosom at the supper and said, "Lord, who is the one who betrays You?"
During the crucifixion, in John 19:26-28, Jesus is described as seeing his mother and an unidentified man: "the disciple standing by, whom he loved."
This particular disciple is identified as "the" disciple who Jesus loved. That might indicate a special intimate relationship with one special disciple.
Mark 14:51-52:
These verses describe an unusual event associated with Jesus' arrest by the Temple guard in the Garden of Gethsemane.
This passage describes an almost-naked young man who had been following Jesus.
The guards grab at the man, but he runs away naked, leaving the men holding only the man's linen cloth.
The text reads: "And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him. And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked."
Mark 7:14-16
"Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, "Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.' "
Does that include weiners? Who knows..
Suddenly many aspects of the New Testament made sense. Jesus never married. He preached love, tolerance, and forgiveness of sins.
He did not condemn and vilify as his so-called followers do today. He surrounded himself with men whom he loved.
If jesus was both divine and fully man, why did he never marry? Why is the New Testament silent about his sexuality?
Jesus was probably gay and that He understood hatred and bigotry first-hand.
PS: If he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then he is a duck.
Except, (according to rightwing homophobic christians), if his name is Jesus.
Hi Beep. I love your blog. It's a beauty. Somehow you can make me laugh and nod my head wildly in agreement at the same time. Which takes some doing! And thanks for the biblical quotations. If my Sunday School teacher had read those passages to me during my tender teenage years I might have become a Christian.(pant)(pant) And only changed my mind later...
lol montreal simon, you are welcome.
Cultural context is going to help you decipher the truth on this, beep. You seem to be evaluating these events from today's norms and today's use of vocabulary....
RE the troll:
You are positing a defence of moral relativism. Hahahaha. Don't worry, I won't squeal to your neocon buddies about it.
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