" I've read the bible. The King of Egypt wants every male hebrew child dead. Now moses's mom puts him in a basket and floats him across the Nile River over to the Pharaoh's daughter. Now, right from the get-go, this is an exciting story. You've got baby killing, mom throwing kids into rivers and hoping they will survive and get adopted. I mean, this is good stuff.
There is one strange thing though, and this story is really similar to an ancient Babylonian myth about a great king called Sargon. Sargon was supposedly found as a baby, in a basket in a river, way before Moses was even supposed to have been born. I just thought that was a little strange. I mean, you wouldn't think that someone would have actually lifted the story from the Babylonians to use in the bible, I mean that just couldn't be true. Could it?
Well anyway, the Pharaoh's daughter finds baby Moses and raises him. Moses grows up and then one day, he sees an Egyptian beating the crap out of a Hebrew. Moses looks around, sees nobody, and then whacks the Egyptian, killing him. Now of course murder is a crime in Egypt, so Moses runs for the hills.
He ends up out in a foreign country by a well where he meets some girls. Some shepherds try and drive the girls away but Moses chases them off. So Moses, the hero to the girls, marries one of them and has a son. His father-in-law sets him up with some sheep and Moses has a job as a shepherd.
One day, Moses is out with his flock, and he sees this bush on fire. It's god. God tells Moses he has chosen him to lead his people out of slavery in Egypt. After this there is this really weird passage about Moses going to an inn and god trying to kill Moses. His wife saves him by circumcising their son. I really don't get it. I mean, why would god want to kill Moses when he has especially chosen him to lead his people? And what does circumcising his son have to do with this?
Well anyway, Moses goes back to Egypt. It's been a while since he had been there, so no one remembers him from before. He goes to his brother Aaron, and they go to the Pharaoh and demand that the Israelites be released. Then there is this pissing match about rods and snakes and eventually god ends up casting down plagues upon the Egyptians. Now let's talk about the first plague.
First plague - water to blood. Now that's pretty impressive, right? Even though the Pharaoh's magicians seem to be able to do it too. And one thing I sorta wondered about, the Egyptians couldn't drink the water for seven days, so here they are in a hot environment, where you'll die without water. If all the water sources are polluted, where do all the people and the animals get their drinking water?
Second plague - frogs. Now what the hell is wrong with frogs? They eat tons of insects and never harm anyone. Besides you would think that the frogs wanted to move to greener pastures because their water got turned all bloody. For what it's worth, the magicians were able to create frogs too. Although all the frogs did die the next day. I was curious, why would god want to kill off all those frogs he created?
Third plague - lice. Fourth plague - flies. Fifth plague god kills off all the cattle. And what did he have against them? I mean firstly he wiped out most species of cattle during the flood, keeping only two of each animal and then now he's wiping out herds of cows. It sounds like the man has got a grudge.
Sixth plague - boils. Seventh plague - hail. Eighth plague - locusts. Ninth plague - darkness. You'd think that a sane leader would just kick out the Israelites after so many problems. Well the Pharaoh was going to, but here's the thing. God purposefully hardened the Pharaoh's heart so he wouldn't do it. So much for free will. I mean, instead of wanting his people freed, god actually wanted the Egyptians to hold onto them so they could suffer even more.
Finally, the last plague. God sends Moses to teach the Israelites that animal sacrifice is a good thing. He wants the Israelites to sacrifice lambs to him and smear their blood on their doorways. So for the final plague, excluding the Israelites, god kills every first born animal and baby in Egypt. He killed puppies, kittens, babies, cattle, all the first born men and animals - everybody. Well, I am going to leave that blatant contradiction right there. It's there. I'll just ignore it for the moment.
I want to concentrate on the idea that this supposed loving, forgiving god, killed all the first born babies of Egypt. Now you can't blame the Egyptians for god killing their babies. You know, I have heard people say that it was the Pharaoh's fault. Well, the people didn't vote for their Pharaoh. They didn't have a choice as to who their leader was. He was their leader by birth. Now a just person, a just god, would not blame them for something they had no free will over. Would he? Also, the Pharaoh didn't have a choice in this because if you remember, god hardened the Pharaoh's heart and made him stop the Israelites from leaving and then chasing after them. (Exodus4:21 ~ The LORD said to Moses, "When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go.)
So finally Moses and the gang are released out of Egypt. Unfortunately, the Pharaoh then goes after them with an army but they cross the Red Sea through the big mystical thing and they all get away. However, one thing that seems really strange is, did you know that there is no record outside of the bible that the plagues or the exodus actually ever happened? Nothing. You'd think there would be some evidence of the exodus in records from somewhere else. I mean, it couldn't just be some kind of mythological made up story, could it?
Now, I should say that some people think that there is one piece of supporting evidence. The Leiden Papyrus. It describes Egypt as facing several disasters including the river is blood. This was written sometime between 1850 and 1600 BCE. However, the problem is the dates don't jibe. If the bible is true and accurate, then the papyrus was dated several hundred years before the exodus. In other words for the papyrus to be real evidence of the exodus, we would have to erase our knowledge of Egyptian Dynasties that we have records of.
It would be a far easier explanation to say that the papyrus was adopted into the bible by a story-teller. Of course, that would mean that the bible wasn't true. But this brings back my point, if the bible is true, why wouldn't there be any supporting evidence for any of these things.
Now apologists say, it is because the Egyptians didn't record mistakes or loses. Is that true? The Egyptians were meticulous record keepers with writing skills, math skills, an economy. Wouldn't we see a decrease in the cost of frog legs as supply outwayed demand? Wouldn't we see someone's recorded poems or songs about their dead sons? Wouldn't we see a notation about a jump in prices after all the cattle and crops were destroyed? Something? Anything? This would be a bigger coverup than the JFK assassination or the Roswell conspiracy combined. Because we are talking about a coverup that involved all of the people in Egypt.
"My changeling mother conceived me, in secret she bore me. She set me in a basket of rushes, with bitumen she sealed my lid. She cast me into the river which rose over me. The river bore me up and carried me to Akki, the drawer of water. Akki, the drawer of water, took me as his son and reared me." - Neo-Assyrian text (7th century BC)