"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

My Photo
Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.


Beepbeepitsme has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts.

Subscribe to BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME

Friday, October 06, 2006

Bruce And Sheila In The Garden Of Eden - An Australian Bible Parody

Bruce and Sheila in their backyard

Once upon a time, there was this aussie girl called Sheila. One day she came across a snake-in-the-grass with all the cunning of sh*t house rat. The snake asked her why she didn’t just grab lunch off the tree in her garden.

"Gawd has told me that I will be dead meat if I get me fruit salad from that tree." she said to the snake. The snake replied, "Gawd is lyin' to ya luv, ya won't cark it. He just wants it all for himself, the greedy mongrel."

So Sheila took a good squiz around, and then a bite and passed the fruit on to her bloke." "Gees" said Bruce. "That was bloody good luv. Got anymore of that stuff?"

"Stone the crows!" yelled Sheila. "Who took off all me clothes?" "I dunno," said Bruce. "But as we are both naked, how about a bit?"

"Shuddap," said Sheila. "Ya dopey drongo. Can't ya see that gawd is gunna be back in a tick and he is gunna be as mad as a cut snake cause we ate his granny smiths!"

"Talking about snakes," Bruce said, with a glint in his eye. "Just you settle petal. I tell ya what. You go get that big stick over there and whack the crap out of that snake. When gawd comes back we will tell him that the snake did it."

"You're a bonza bloke," says Sheila, her eyes all misty. "And you're the ant's pants," replies Bruce.

And everyone was able to avagoodweegend.
(Except for the snake of course, but that's what ya get for messin' with a sheila.)
The end.

Australian Slang Decoder: ~

1. aussie - australian
2. cunning as a sh*t house rat - sneaky, cunning
3. dead meat - dead
4. cark it - die
5. mongrel - bad person
6. stone the crows - an exclamation of surprise
7. squizz - look
8. a bit - sex
9. dopey drongo - stupid person
10. back in a tick - back soon
11. mad as a cut snake - really angry
12. granny smiths - australian green apples
13. settle petal - calm down
14. bonza - fantastic
15. ant's pants - wonderful
16. avagoodweekend - Have a good weekend

Ricky Gervais Live - Animals 2. (The Book Of Genesis)




Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, this settles it. You aussies are an odd bunch. Funny, but odd.

6/10/06 4:49 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE mojoey:

What can I say, but thank-you ;)

6/10/06 5:57 pm  
Anonymous ted said...

Bloody ripper Beep!!

6/10/06 6:32 pm  
Blogger urizon said...

Here's one for you, Beep:

Catholic idea of limbo likely kaput

October 6, 2006



Pope Benedict XVI could announce as early as today that the Catholic Church is abandoning the ancient concept of limbo, a way station for babies barred from heaven because they were not baptized, according to unconfirmed reports circulating Thursday in Europe and elsewhere.

"It's an idea whose time has passed," the Rev. Thomas Reese, a Vatican expert and senior fellow at the Woodstock Theological Center at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., told the Free Press on Thursday.

Kaput. Heh.

"Did you make disease
And the diamond, blue?
Did you make mankind,
After we made you?

-- Andy Partridge

7/10/06 12:43 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE urizon:

It's criminal really. All those catholic mothers who for hundreds of years were tormented by the idea that their dead babies went to limbo. Female catholics who would have been distraught with grief because they believed that their poor little baby wasn't in heaven because they didn't get it baptised in time.

And now the catholic church is going to say, "sorry, we got it wrong, we got a new email from god - apparently they are allowed to go to heaven now."

As, I said, it is criminal and psychologically abusive.

7/10/06 12:50 am  
Blogger urizon said...

Criminality and psychological abuse are two sides to the same coin: the latter enables the former, at least insofar as organized religion is concerned. The Vatican, Falwell, Robertson, all are crooks.

7/10/06 3:21 am  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Now that was fun and I loved the translation of the words and phrases.

My three favorites are settle petal, stone the crows and ant's pants

I think I may steal them and use them. If I could learn to say "stone the crows" when I'm surprised instead of my usual F**K, that would be an improvement.

Have a great weekend :)

7/10/06 6:10 am  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

That was fun.

I loved the translations, especially stone the crows, settle petal and ant's pants

I think I may steal them and use them. If I could learn to say "stone the crows" when I'm surprised instead of my usual F**K, that would be an improvement.

Have a great weekend :)

7/10/06 6:13 am  
Blogger Daniel said...

Wasn't Eden of the Joe Blakes near the Black Stump, Mate?

Struth, Gorblimey,I dunno. Search me.

Then, blow me bloody down, Blue, what's new?

Nuthin'. Talkin' of snakes, let's go to the rubbity-dub, get hissed as parrots. Missus will blow her stack.

Beaudy, Mate! I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donga! That's bloody religion for you.

7/10/06 1:19 pm  
Blogger L>T said...

What a cheerful tranlstion. so much more fun then the original.
I've got to come back here more often, your posts are always worth the read. :)

7/10/06 11:41 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am over here in the US and I tell you what they are a crazy bunch mate...They don't understand me when I say..haveagoyablugger or give me a dogs eye with dead horse!

yes "dead meat" was my favorite.

8/10/06 1:05 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bump! (sound of me falling off the chair while laughing and having cracking contractions)
I made all my friends read it.
The ant's pants is definitely my favourite...

8/10/06 10:48 pm  
Blogger Daniel said...

Dear Beep, I've had a death threat (see my site). Given that you, like me, relentlessly question and prod the sacred cows, we are always open for verbal and physical attack by the crazies.

One of the main problems is that, unlike us, non-moderated blogs allow anyone to say anything. Then when we reject innappropriate comments, these commenters get upset and then we're accused of stifling free speech, etc.

Anyway, be warned. Those who shine a light into dark places sometimes uncover nasty things. Cheers!

9/10/06 12:06 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE daniel:

And from a good believer, is my guess..

10/10/06 9:35 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home