"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.


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Thursday, February 08, 2007

"For Whom The Bell Tolls"

(Hat tip to The Atheist Jew)
By now we have probably all heard about the miraculous cure of Pastor Ted Haggard who was suffering from hypocrisy. Sorry, I mean homosexuality.
From: - Ted Haggard Says He Is Now "Completely Heterosexual"

"A fellow minister says the Reverend Ted Haggard has come out of intense counseling, convinced he's "completely heterosexual." The Reverend Tim Ralph, who was one of four ministers monitoring Haggard's progress, says the disgraced minister insists his extramarital activities were limited to the one man. And Ralph tells The Denver Post no one else came forward to deny that."

That's nice to know, Ted. I am glad that you think that because we only have evidence of one homosexual relationship that this is somehow evidence that you are heterosexual. Personally, being the skeptic that I am, I would suggest that you probably have, or had, quite a stash of "Gay Magazines" secreted somewhere as well. Perhaps that is also where the meth you bought ended up? But then, who are we to deny you a bit of meth and man ass on a Sunday before you rail against the evils of homosexuality and drug taking? Who are we to complain about you telling your parishioners, (and anyone else who would listen), that they were going to burn for eternity in excrutiating pain and anguish because they dared to physically love another man? I think you are a charlatan, a poseur, a liar and a hypocrite. Don't ask me what I think about you on a "bad day."

Now, of course because Ted says he is "cured" we should just take this on faith. I don't think so.... As a person who prefers evidence over faith, I suggest that you submit yourself to "THE BELL TEST." That is, we sit you down and tie a small bell around your willy. You will then be shown pictures of attractive, naked, men cavorting for your viewing pleasure. And if that little bell starts a-ringing Ted, we will know for whom the bell tolls. It will be tolling for that naked cute man ass on the screen.

"Meth and Man Ass"

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PS: It has been further suggested by The Atheist Jew that there is a test which Ted Haggard would probably pass. To see what this test is, click on the youtube production below.

The Test which Ted Haggard might pass from :- Mel Brooks: "History Of The World Pt.1"

(I have to say that this movie has remained my favourite movie ever since it came out. If I ever want to have a laugh, it is the movie I watch.)



Blogger Blueberry said...

I'm sure they must have administered the bell test. They are quite convinced, and what other test is there? {grin}

8/2/07 2:17 pm  
Blogger Larry Gambone said...

The guy really has no shame. Why didn't he just shut up and go away - say to the Castro District of San Francisco? But no, he has to concoct some idiot story about being cured of his butthole surfing proclivities - in 2 weeks no less! Who ndoes he think he is fooling?

8/2/07 5:38 pm  
Anonymous ted said...

Fantastic Beep...:)

I was thinking about an entry on this lad myself. Do you mind if I point people to this?

I might change my name too. Reading all about "Ted" had my 15 year old son rolling with laughter. The man really is a hypocrite of the highest order. But then, so was Bakker, Swaggart......

8/2/07 9:56 pm  
Blogger Jones said...

Fantastic, this is the proof (if anyone still need any) that you can feed any kind of bullshit to this kind of devoute xtians.

9/2/07 12:46 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE blueberry

It reminds me of the Pavlov's Dogs experiments. Except the dogs were trained to associate food with the ringing of a bell.

RE larry

I agree. I don't think that people like Haggard have a sense of shame. Except that he probably thinks it was a shame he was caught..

9/2/07 8:41 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE ted:

No worries. Refer them here if you would like to. I don't mind the advertisement. ;)

RE jones:

Some conmen really stand out. I think Haggard is one of those.

9/2/07 8:43 am  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

I overheard this on the Daly Show:
"Well, as to Haggard. Remember when your father caught you smoking a cigarette, & to cure you of it, he made you smoke them all in a row?
Haggard's been a busy, busy boy."

9/2/07 8:44 am  
Anonymous ted said...

KA: Watched that one myself yesterday, it was a scream...:)

9/2/07 9:28 am  
Blogger BaconEating AtheistJew said...

I think Haggard would pass this test though.

As long as he didn't look to the side.

9/2/07 10:31 am  
Blogger Dikkii said...

Haggard is so going to come out in the next year or two, I can feel it.

Either that or he'll get caught smoking again, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do.

(Nods in the general direction of KA, cue's Mister Richard Smoker by Ween)

9/2/07 2:44 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE dikki

I think that what homosexuals need to do if they want to be part of religious faiths which consider homosexuality a sin, is to leave.

They shouldn't try to hide in the church and pretend they are something they are not. Especially if they have positions of power in those churches and they are preaching about one thing and doing the other.

What they need to do, if they feel compelled to believe in a religion, is to join a church which is accepting of homosexuals.

Personally, I wouldn't stay in an organization that considered me to be an abomination.

I would flip them the "2 to the valley sign" pretty quickly and be off like a bride's nightie.

9/2/07 4:40 pm  

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