BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.

"DIFFICILE EST SATURAM NON SCRIBERE"

Beepbeepitsme has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

"They Seek Him Here, They Seek Him There.."

"They seek him here, they seek him there, those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in heaven or is he in hell? That damned elusive Pimpernel." - The Scarlet Pimpernel - Sir Percy Blakeney

I would like to share with you today some of the search parameters which have been typed in search engines and have lead people to my blog. It's amazing what people type into search engines and expect as a result, to find information specific to their search requirements. I have absolutely no idea what some of these people were actually searching for when their search enquiries lead them to my blog. But, I would like to suggest a few examples. The moral of this story, is to define your search, or you will be lead to places which exist in parallel universes which require the use of a babelfish in at least one ear in order to make sense of your surroundings. By the way, if you see one of your searches listed, "DON'T PANIC" as the "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" never reveals its sources.

LIST OF SEARCHES AND SUGGESTED REASONS AS TO WHY THEY WERE DIRECTED TO MY BLOG.

1. mark of the beast for atheists
(This must refer to the oversized Darwinfish which I had tattooed on my left bum cheek. Word of advice: The beast always prefers that you tattoo the left bum cheek rather than the right as the right is for the hand of god. Smacks god's hand off my right bum cheek. )

2. itch in butt
(This search had me slightly bewildered until I realized that they meant to search for "pain in butt" rather than "itch in butt." Nonetheless, my expansive metatag source directed the search here anyway.)

3. mary had a little lamb
(What the!! How did you know my name was Mary? And I deny the lamb thing... Anyway Aries said that he used protection. Damn those randy male constellations.)

4. nude male
(Where?)

5. invisible egg
(Once again "where?" It is invisible, no good searching for it here.)

6. most billionaires are atheists
(But not this atheist.)

7. little engine that could
(Obviously related to: - The little search engine that couldn't find the "little engine that could" on this blog.)

8. understanding pulp fiction
(Success. They obviously came to the right place. Passes them a babelfish.)

9. Amen-Ra golden showers
(Excuse me but I think that a god's sex life should remain private. I am not a conservative busybody after all.)

10. William Lamb the psychic
(Uh oh - Looks like Aries is back and he is demanding that I pay him for that astrology session.)

11. benny hinn enema
(Yes, I recommend an enema for him too. You gotta pass those poop demons somehow.)

12. babel babel bitch bitch marilyn manson lyrics
(Yes, I do babble on a bit but it is Ms Bitch to you and Marilyn sends his love.)

13. hijacker guide through the galaxy
(That's right, your search has been hijacked here. Mwwahaahahah.)

14. keep your jesus off my penis
(I insist that jesus do that. I also insist that if jesus loves me, that he wears a condom.)

15. gay music
(I demand happy music at all times. La la la la la :) )

16. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me
(How many devils has the dude got? And are any of them rich and cute?)

17. Homosexuality in the Ancient Near East, beyond Egypt semen in lettuce
(Semen in lettuce? Is this the egyptian vegetarian version of "American Pie?")

18. shakira's objection tango video is shit
(Hahahaha. I know.)

19. women who worship the penis
(Keep searching... )

20. quran unintelligible bernard shaw
( I agree and Bernard agrees with me.)





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12 Comments:

Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

This must refer to the oversized Darwinfish which I had tattooed on my left bum cheek.
"Got a photo?" asked the old lech.

25/4/07 12:08 am  
Blogger Aviaa said...

most billionaires are atheists
(But not this atheist.)


Ah yes. If B then likely A but not if A then likely B. (shrugs) Oh well, I think the selectively placed Darwinfish is faaarrrr cooler than being rich.

25/4/07 7:39 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

KA:

Ummmmmm. Sorry to disappoint, but no darwinfish on my butt. It made a funny story for the article though. ;)

25/4/07 8:16 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

aviaa

Now if I had pretended to be a billionare without a darwinfish tattoo, I wonder if that would have gone down better? lol

25/4/07 8:22 am  
Blogger Plonka said...

Nice one Beep. It's a bit of fun to see what Google gives you though. I have to agree with aviaa, pity the converse doesn't apply but there are cooler things. Money doesn't buy happiness after all, it just makes being miserable a lot more fun!

BTW. It's me, Ted. I'm moving. blognow seems to be unavailable more than it isn't these days.

25/4/07 11:13 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Ted:

I noticed that I had trouble on occasion being able to access your blog, so other people may be having the same problem. Give us a shout when you have your "new home" up and running.

25/4/07 11:56 am  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

BBIM:
Sorry to disappoint, but no darwinfish on my butt.
Aw, shucks. I was so looking forward to a vicarious thrill. Oh well.

25/4/07 1:14 pm  
Blogger Plonka said...

Beep: I've made the switch "official" this arvo. It still needs a bit of work, but I'm seriously over Blognow. Can you update your link please?

25/4/07 2:44 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

ted: no worries.

25/4/07 9:22 pm  
Blogger Plonka said...

Ta...:)

25/4/07 11:10 pm  
Blogger Mikayla Starstuff said...

Interesting...
How do you find what searches people have found your blog with? I want to try this!

28/4/07 2:29 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

mikayla

You need a site meter installed in your blog template to see who is visiting your blog, from where, and what searches lead them to your blog.

This is the one I use, but there is a variety of ones available.

What is Site Meter?
http://www.sitemeter.com/default.asp

(It's free.)

28/4/07 10:43 am  

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