BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.

"DIFFICILE EST SATURAM NON SCRIBERE"

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Sunday, June 25, 2006

Internet Trolls

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How To Debate Like A Troll: ~

When one person makes any kind of statement, all you need to do is apply one of these methods to make it sound stupid. Then go on the offensive.

  • Turn someone’s generality into an absolute. For example, if someone makes a general statement that Americans celebrate Christmas, point out that some people are Jewish and so anyone who thinks that ALL Americans celebrate Christmas is stupid. (Bonus points for accusing the person of being anti-Semitic.)

  • Turn someone’s factual statements into implied preferences. For example, if someone mentions that not all Catholic priests are pedophiles, accuse the person who said it of siding with pedophiles.

  • Turn factual statements into implied equivalents. For example, if someone says that Ghandi didn’t eat cows, accuse the person of stupidly implying that cows deserve equal billing with Gandhi.

  • Omit key words. For example, if someone says that people can’t eat rocks, accuse the person of being stupid for suggesting that people can’t eat. Bonus points for arguing that some people CAN eat pebbles if they try hard enough.

  • Assume the dumbest interpretation. For example, if someone says that he can run a mile in 12 minutes, assume he means it happens underwater and argue that no one can hold his breath that long.

  • Hallucinate entirely different points. For example, if someone says apples grow on trees, accuse him of saying snakes have arms and then point out how stupid that is.

  • Use the intellectual laziness card. For example, if someone says that ice is cold, recommend that he take graduate courses in chemistry and meteorology before jumping to stupid conclusions that display a complete ignorance of the complexity of ice.

More Links: ~

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28 Comments:

Blogger Dikkii said...

LOL.

I cannot believe that I've heard all of these.

25/6/06 6:01 pm  
Blogger Chimera said...

LOL! I figured this was coming as soon as I saw that jeffie "found" your site...

26/6/06 3:19 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

The term 'troll' is a highly subjective ad hominem. Nothing more.

26/6/06 5:27 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

It isn't subjective if a group of people agree on the characteristics or attributes of a troll.

Subjective:
1.Proceeding from or taking place in a person's mind rather than the external world: a subjective decision.
2.Particular to a given person; personal: subjective experience.
Moodily introspective.
3.Existing only in the mind; illusory.
4.Psychology. Existing only within the experiencer's mind.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/subjective

26/6/06 10:03 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE chimera: So I guess jeffie is a known troll.? I am not having a subjective experience of him acting like a troll. ;)

26/6/06 10:05 am  
Blogger breakerslion said...

Speaking as a fully unauthorized spokesperson for the Erisian Disorder, I find the following statements by Timothy Campbell to be inaccurate, inflamatory, and insulting.

"An Internet "troll" is a person who delights in sowing discord on the Internet."

"One technique used by trolls to generate chaos is to pretend to be a well-liked person."

It is the opinion of the Mostly High Council that pissing in someone else's cornflakes, while obnoxious, is not true discord. Furthermore, any attempt to generate chaos is proof of stupidity since chaos is not a construction project or a publicly traded Utility.

We categorically deny any association to Trolls.

Opinions in your territory may vary.

Fnord.

;)

26/6/06 11:14 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Atheism=Chaos

26/6/06 11:44 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE jeffie the troll: Theism equals chaos and division.

27/6/06 3:13 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Actually, true chaos would be found in satanism, with atheism coming in a close second.

27/6/06 11:18 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

lol@ true chaos? There are degrees of chaos?

Oh and lol@ true christianity. As that also assumes there are degrees of christianity.

1. true christianity
2. not so true christianity
3. not quite christianity
4. nearly christianity
5. almost christianity

"True christianity" seems to assure "true chaos."

28/6/06 7:57 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Love thy neighbour leads to chaos?

28/6/06 8:20 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Christians love their neighbors?
Statistically, they steal from them, especially in the US.

Catholic 39.164%
Protestant 35.008%
Muslim 7.273%
Atheist 0.209%

Note that atheists, being a moderate proportion of the USA population (about 8-16%) are disproportionately less in the prison populations (0.21%).

http://www.holysmoke.org/icr-pri.htm

28/6/06 8:33 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

In the federal prisoner statistics, a full 20% of the respondents either answered "none" or provided no response to the question on religious affiliation. Based on response patterns to similar questions on nationwide surveys, it is likely that all or nearly all of these persons would be in the "nonreligious" category (or the "atheists" category, to use the terminology from the atheist web page itself). Even without adding the ".209%" of the population that specifically identified themselves as atheists, the segment of the prison population which self-identifies as non-religious is approximately twice as large as found in the general population.

http://www.adherents.com/misc/adh_prison.html

28/6/06 8:49 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Virtually any article in an academic, peer-reviewed sociology journal that addresses religious behavior and criminal behavior finds that religious behaviors such as church attendance, prayer, home observances, etc., are either negatively correlated to criminal and/or anti-social behavior (drug use, school drop-outs, etc.), or have no correlation. In other words, according to social scientists, religious behavior is associated with lower rates of criminal behavior.

28/6/06 8:52 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

The majority of people in prison in the US are believers. There is NO way of getting around that.

Unless of course you want to claim the majority of people in the US are /agnostic or atheists?

People who claim to be non-religious believe in god; they do NOT claim to be non-believers. So don't try and lump the non-religious with atheists and agnostics.

If this is your claim, then I no longer wish to hear Christians talk about how the majority of people in the US are christian and therefore it is a christian nation. You cannot have it both ways. Not unless you are a bisexual christian, which you just might be.

Prison Population 1997 U.S. ~ Prisoners Atheist 0.209% ~ 156 of 74,731 Federal Bureau of Prisons.

You, once again, have a great difficulty in arguing from a common premise.

The common premise is that christians make up a much larger % of the prison population per capita than atheists.

Non-religious people are basically people who believe in god. They are NOT atheists.

28/6/06 9:28 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Considering that atheists make up only 2 % of the American public, I would say they are extremely overrepresented in the prison population....and I would be correct in my assumption.

28/6/06 12:15 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE jeff the troll:

US Religious Breakdown:
Protestant 52%,
Roman Catholic 24%,
Mormon 2%,
Jewish 1%,
Muslim 1%,
other 10%,
none 10% (2002 est.)

None would include those with no religion, atheists and agnostics, so therefore about 5% (as an estimate) of the US population could be considered atheist.

If there are about 298,444,215 people in the US, (let's say 300,000,000 to make the math easier),

http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/us.html#People

5% of 300,000,000 is 15,000,000
95% of 300,000,000 is 285,000,000

The number of people incarcerated in the US is approximately 2,000,000.

http://usgovinfo.about.com/cs/censusstatistic/a/aaprisonpop.htm

So your claim is that the majority of those 2 million prisoners are atheists.

Let's just be logical for a moment. (if you can)

If the figures in the general population translate to the prison population, then approximately 95% of the prison population are theists.
It is reasonable to say that approximately 95% of the prison population claim to be believers.

Unless of course, you want to make the stupid claim that believers do not commit crimes because they are NOT "real believers" if they sin.

If you attempt to make this claim, I will ignore every single post you make from now on as I will have the necessary evidence to be able to ascertain that you are an idiot, and I am wasting my time by discussing anything with you.

28/6/06 1:24 pm  
Anonymous Jeff said...

"Unless of course, you want to make the stupid claim that believers do not commit crimes because they are NOT "real believers" if they sin."

No I wouldn't make that claim because real believers sin all the time. Infact, it is impossible for man not to sin......this is why Jesus died for our sins.

"It is reasonable to say that approximately 95% of the prison population claim to be believers."

Agreed. Claiming to be a believer and actually practising your faith are two very different things. Just like atheism. You practise your faith. Others may just flippantly say they are an atheist without actually meditating or reading about it.

28/6/06 10:56 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE jeffie the troll: "
Claiming to be a believer and actually practising your faith are two very different things." <<<<

This is just like saying there are true believers (like jeffie), and then there are believers who you judge not to be true believers.

You don't get to pick and choose who is a believer and who isn't.

If a person claims a religion; states they are a believer, as in "I am a christian".. it is not your right to judge whether or not you consider them to be practising their faith the way you want them to.

You have to accept the good christians with the bad christians.
If they claim to be christians, that is what they are even if they haven't been to church for 10 years.

If they claim to be christian, that is what they are even if they do not belong to the same sect as you do.

If they claim to be christian, that is what they are even if they have murdered their children.

THEY ARE JUST BAD CHRISTIANS.

You have to learn to accept the good and the bad christians, afterall, it is what your bible teaches you to do.

I don't "believe in atheism."
There is nothing in atheism to believe in.

29/6/06 9:09 am  
Blogger jeff said...

"If a person claims a religion; states they are a believer, as in "I am a christian".. it is not your right to judge whether or not you consider them to be practising their faith the way you want them to."


With this logic, do you also believe me if I tell you I have ocean front property for sale in Arizona?

29/6/06 1:26 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE jeffie.. the troll:

That is exactly the point, believing isn't logical.

People believe all sorts of things regardless of evidence or the lack of it.

Believing in something doesn't make it true.

But, as a christian, if someone calls themselves a christian and professes the faith of a christian, even if they don't understand what that faith really entails, it is not up to you to only claim the "pretty christians" or the "funny christians" or the "moral christians".

So, if someone calls themself a christian it is because they believe in christianity.

Christianity 1: a monotheistic system of beliefs and practices based on the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus as embodied in the New Testament and emphasizing the role of Jesus as savior.

The emphasis is on the role of jesus as the saviour from sin. If someone professes to believe this, they are a christian.

They might still be an axe weilding lunatic, but they are still a christian.

THEY ARE JUST A VERY BAD CHRISTIAN.

29/6/06 1:42 pm  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Let me see if I've got this straight. Anytime someone says that they 'believe' something, it is not our place to judge based on logic and reason, whether they actually believe it or not? If they say they believe that dogs are evil, and they own a dog, wouldn't their 'belief' be invalidated by their behavior?

30/6/06 1:59 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE jeffie the troll:

Play time:

I am a christian. I recite the nicene creed every morning and the lord's prayer every night.

But I also smack my wife around a few times a week. Am I still a christian even though the local minister does not approve of wife bashing?

And at what point do I stop being a christian because of my immoral behaviour?

Test : You let me know when I stop being a christian. (The list is accumulative.)

1. I smack my wife around a few times a week.
2. I don't believe in the virgin birth.
3. I cheat a little on my income tax.
4. I go to a tittie bar once a month.
5. I had a fight with my neighbors and the police are called.
6. I put my mother in an old people's home because she has become incontinent and I just got new white carpet.
7. I have an affair with the secretary at work.
8. I have an incestuous relationship with my daughter.
9. I stop believing in the trinity.
10. I got the wife's chihuahua put down because it shits on the carpet more than granny did.
11. I told my wife that her dog ran away.
12.I stop believing in heaven and hell.
13. I have 3 children out of marriage which my wife and other children do not know about.
14. I think that all black people should go back to Africa.
15. I stop believing that jesus rose from the dead.
16. I think that all muslims should go back to the middle east but first they should have a free holiday in gitmo.
17. I pick a fight with an atheist on the way to work and knock her unconscious.
18. I call hispanics wetbacks and talk about them in racially abusive terms to my best friend at work.
19. I stop believing in the literal resurrection of jesus.
20. I light up a cigarette in church.

30/6/06 11:42 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

But what if I lie and say I'm a Christian when I actually believe in the religion of Atheism?

30/6/06 12:17 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Re: jeffie the troll

The point, which matches the point on your head, is that Christianity is a religion of belief, not a religion of actions.


If you were a catholic, it would be tenuous that you were still a catholic once you said that you didn't agree with the virgin birth. (Which is 2. on the list.)

Number 9 which involves NOT believing in the trinity would also call your christianity under question in many christian sects or churches.

Number 12, would also put your christianity into question.

Number 15, would mean that you no longer believe in the resurrection and that jesus was your personal saviour for sin, I figure that not believing number15 would probably get you kicked out of your local church.

Number 19, not believing in the resurrection of jesus means there is little point to calling yourself a christian.

So, to reiterate for the terminally braindead (ergo jeffie the troll), christianity is a religion based on beliefs, NOT actions.

30/6/06 2:15 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Re: jeffie the troll:

In other words, it doesn't matter if they "believe that dogs are evil, and they own a dog," because the action of owning a dog is not what makes someone a christian.

What makes someone a christian is what they believe, not what they do.

Actions do not determine who is a christian and who isn't.

BELIEF DOES.

It was much easier to test for belief when I was a christian.

The recitations of "the creeds" told you what christians believed.

The major example of this was the Nicene Creed which was composed in the 4th century and it spelled out quite succintly what a christian believed.

What they BELIEVED is what made them a christian. Not whether they went to church 4 times a week, or how much money they gave to the local pastor.

Bad christians go to hell because of their ACTIONS.

Good christians go to heaven because of their ACTIONS.

But no matter where they go, they are still christians if they share the christian beliefs.

30/6/06 2:30 pm  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Hmmm, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I still maintain that faith without action is a dead faith.

30/6/06 10:16 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE: jeffie the troll

"Faith without action is a dead faith" is how you view your OWN faith.

I agree that there is the hope that as a christian, that "right action" will be encouraged and that "right action" will ensue.

(This is the hope of many religions.)

But "right action" does NOT determine IF someone IS a christian or not.

1/7/06 9:10 am  

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