"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.


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Friday, June 16, 2006

What Do You Think Caused Your Heterosexuality?

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  • 1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
  • 2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?
  • 3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?
  • 4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
  • 5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay or lesbian lover?
  • 6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
  • 7. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?
  • 8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Why can't you just be what you are and keep quiet about it?
  • 9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual knowing the problems that they'd face?
  • 10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
  • 11. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
  • 12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
  • 13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you?
  • 14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you fear (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?
  • 15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?
  • 16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

(No. I am not a lesbian, or bisexual. I just enjoy annoying the religious rightwing.)

LINK: Sexual orientation



Anonymous Jeff said...

"(No. I am not a lesbian, or bisexual. I just enjoy annoying the religious rightwing.)"

This was annoying, I'll grant you that much. :)

17/6/06 12:14 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

I call it a successful posting at that rate.:)

17/6/06 1:13 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

Oh, and by the way Jeff, may every fetus you demand go to full term, may it be homosexual.

17/6/06 11:45 am  
Blogger Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

I am heterosexual because God must hate women.

18/6/06 1:42 am  
Anonymous Jeff said...

"Oh, and by the way Jeff, may every fetus you demand go to full term, may it be homosexual."

You want my offspring to have a higher chance of getting AIDS when they grow up? That's not very nice, beepbeep!

18/6/06 9:20 am  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE Jeff: By the end of 2005, women accounted for 48% of all adults living with HIV worldwide, and for 59% in sub-Saharan Africa. These women did not contract HIV because they were homosexual. Approximately 50% of the world living with HIV are women. The primary causes of infection remain as they have always been.
1. Sharing of bodily fluids (through vaginal or anal intercourse)
2. Sharing of bodily fluids through the sharing of infected needles.
3. Sharing infected blood products in medical practises where the screening is not thorough.

It is the sharing of bodily fluids which allows for the transmission of HIV. The male penis acts like a hypodermic syringe injecting infected fluid deep into either the vagina or the anus.

There is not one documented incidence (of which I am aware) of HIV sexual transmission from woman to woman. This furthers the evidence that it is indeed MEN who are primarily responsible for the contraction and spread HIV. They not only spread it to women but also to other men.

Promiscuous heterosexual sex carries with it a much higher risk for AIDS, primarily because of the sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) associated with it, causing a breakdown in the natural barriers of both male and female reproductive tracts.

So, Jeff, certainly it will be much better for your daughter to be homosexual.

18/6/06 2:36 pm  
Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE Bacon: Yeah, no doubt about that, the male gods want to keep me in my place. Problem is, it is too late to use a bible or koran to frighten me back into my cage. :)

18/6/06 2:51 pm  
Blogger Duane said...

I didn't see genes? What about genes? I am certain that I am heterosexual for one sole reason: genes.

By the way, I strongly suspect that this is the reason most people are homosexuals as well.

19/6/06 11:09 am  
Blogger fizzlesticks said...

Ooooh I got quoted! Cheers!
I nicked this from another site too; it's a clever read, eh?

28/8/06 9:18 pm  

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