GOD'S VENDETTA AGAINST KITTENS

God's Vendetta Against Kittens - "Everytime You Masturbate God Kills a Kitten"

For centuries, all forms of sexual pleasure unlikely to result in population increase have routinely been denounced as wrong. This goes a long way to explaining why some religious folks have had a hard-on for those who waste seed. Perhaps I should express that differently.. Some people of religious conviction believe that it is wrong to indulge in sexual activity which does not result in procreation. This concept probably stemmed from ancient times when male seed was associated with abundance in the same way that the seed of various crops was also associated with abundance.

Regardless of various "modern religious views", masturbation has been quite a popular past time throughout history and prior to the Abrahamic Religions was part of many cultural religious practices.

"A clay figurine of the 4th millennium BCE, from a temple site called Hagar Qim on the island of Malta, depicts a woman masturbating. However, in the ancient world depictions of male masturbation are far more common. A figure of a masturbating male from a Neolithic cemetery in Greece is roughly contemporary with the Malta image and likewise suggests fertility rites. From the Sumerians, who invented the first written Western language, we find references to the Mesopotamian god Enki masturbating, his ejaculation filling the Tigris River with flowing water."

"Male masturbation became an even more important image in ancient Egyptian cosmology. When performed by a god it could be considered a creative or magical act, but a mortal human masturbator might not receive such approval. According to one major creation myth the god Atum appeared on the Primordial Mound out of the void of Nu. As the first "thing" in the midst of nothingness, Atum relieved his loneliness by masturbating. His ejaculation resulted in the appearance of the first god and goddess, Shu and Tefnut, who became the parents of all other elements of the world. An alternate version indicates that the god Ptah, architect of the universe, maintains cosmic order through continual masturbation. The yearly flooding of the Nile, on which Egypt depended entirely, was also said to flow from the secretions of the Nile god Hapy. Min, the god of male potency, was always shown standing with an immense erection, often held in his own hand. The vegetative god Osiris, King of the Dead and Lord of Eternity, resurrected himself through an act of sacred masturbation, an association with seed-force and cyclic regeneration. Osiris conceived his son Horus, Lord of the Living and the Falcon of Light, in this way."

If we skip to the "modern era" we have someone like Cereal magnate John Harvey Kellogg declaring "sex for anything but reproduction" to be "sexual excess." He also recommended circumcision as a way to discourage male masturbation. (Obviously female circumcision is much more successful at discouraging female masturbation. Suffice it to say, I am more than glad that he didn't recommend this as well.)

"The eminent neuropsychologist James W. Prescott has said: "Deprivation of physical affection in human relationships...constitutes the single greatest source of violence in human societies." We might want to take a cue from our close relatives the Bonobos and consider the social benefits of increased sexual satisfaction."

LINK: - MASTURBATION THROUGHOUT HISTORY

masturbation fertility history masturbation and religion sexual taboos sex and procreation Kellogg Bonobos kittens god satire humour humor