BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

: Name: beepbeepitsme; Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.

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"DIFFICILE EST SATURAM NON SCRIBERE"

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The Out Campaign: Scarlet Letter of Atheism

"Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?" Alexander Pope

"The primary function of myth is to validate an existing social order. Myth enshrines conservative social values, raising tradition on a pedestal." Ann Oakley

"Some treat their longing for God as proof of His existence." Mason Cooley

"The god of the Christians, as we have seen, is the god who makes promises only to break them; who sends them pestilence and disease in order to heal them; a god who demoralizes mankind in order to improve it. A god who created man 'after his own image', and still the origin of evil in man is not accredited to him." Johann Most

"In love, we worry more about the meaning of silences than the meaning of words." Mason Cooley

"My philosophy is such that I am not going to vote against the oppressed. I have been oppressed, and so I am always going to have a vote for the oppressed, regardless of whether that oppressed is black or white or yellow or the people of the Middle East, or what. I have that feeling." Septima Clark

"Secular humanists suspect there is something more gloriously human about resisting the religious impulse; about accepting the cold truth, even if that truth is only that the universe is as indifferent to us as we are to it." Tom Flynn

"If the question is put to me would I rather have a miserable ape for a grandfather or a man highly endowed by nature and possessed of great means of influence and yet who employs those faculties and that influence for the mere purpose of introducing ridicule into a grave scientific discussion—I unhesitatingly affirm my preference for the ape." Thomas Henry Huxley

Project Gutenberg is the oldest producer of free ebooks on the Internet. The collection was produced by hundreds of volunteers.

"Give the right man a solar myth, and he'll confute the sun therewith." James Russell Lowell

"Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone. Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon. Show me slowly what I only know the limits of. Dance me to the end of love." Leonard Cohen

"If God is male, then male is God. The divine patriarch castrates women as long as he is allowed to live on in the human imagination." Mary Daly

"If the people were a little more ignorant, astrology would flourish - if a little more enlightened, religion would perish." Robert Green Ingersoll

"In other words (so to speak): not two and also not not two." Magellan's Log V

"History is, strictly speaking, the study of questions; the study of answers belongs to anthropology and sociology." W.H. Auden

"Archaeology is the peeping Tom of the sciences. It is the sandbox of men who care not where they are going; they merely want to know where everyone else has been." Jim Bishop

"To excavate is to open a book written in the language that the centuries have spoken into the earth." Spyridon Marinatos

"Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed." Thomas Henry Huxley

"The place has changed but little since Diana received the homage of her worshippers in the sacred grove. The temple of the sylvan goddess, indeed, has vanished and the King of the Wood no longer stands sentinel over the Golden Bough." Sir James George Frazer

"Babylonian king (1792BCEâ€“1750BCE) who made Babylon the chief Mesopotamian kingdom and codified the laws of Mesopotamia and Sumeria." The American Heritage

"We are ourselves history and share the responsibility for world history and our position in it. But we gravely lack awareness of this responsibility." Hermann Hesse

"Astrology: do we make a hullabaloo among the stars, or do they make a hullabaloo down here?" Mason Cooley

"Readers are plentiful: thinkers are rare." Harriet Martineau

"The Christian religion is a parody on the worship of the Sun, in which they put a man whom they call Christ, in the place of the Sun, and pay him the same adoration which was originally paid to the Sun." Thomas Paine

"Zoroaster was thus the first to teach the doctrines of an individual judgment, Heaven and Hell, the future resurrection of the body, the general Last Judgment, and life everlasting for the reunited soul and body. These doctrines were to become familiar articles of faith to much of mankind, through borrowings by Judaism, Christianity and Islam; yet it is in Zoroastrianism itself that they have their fullest logical coherence.â€ - Mary Boyce

"My esoteric doctrine, is that if you entertain any doubt, it is safest to take the unpopular side in the first instance. Transit from the unpopular, is easy ... but from the popular to the unpopular is so steep and rugged that it is impossible to maintain it." William Lamb Melbourne

"With reason one can travel the world over; without it it is hard to move an inch." Chinese proverb.

"Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. Bribery and corruption are common. Children no longer obey their parents. . . . The end of the world is evidently approaching." Sound familiar? It is, in fact, the lament of a scribe in one of the earliest inscriptions to be unearthed in Mesopotamia, where Western civilization was born. C. John Sommerville

""La superstition est Ã la religion ce que lâ€™astrologie est Ã lâ€™astronomie, la fille trÃ¨s folle dâ€™une mÃ¨re trÃ¨s sage. Ces deux filles ont longtemps subjuguÃ© toute la terre." Voltaire

"The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago ... had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands." Havelock Ellis

"It (myth) expresses and confirms, rather than explains or questions, the sources of cultural attitudes and values... Because myth anchors the present in the past it is a sociological charter for a future society which is an exact replica of the present one." Ann Oakley

"Starry, starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze, swirling clouds in violet haze, reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue." Don McLean

"NOT from the stars do I my judgment pluck, and yet methinks I have astronomy, But not to tell of good or evil luck, Of plagues, of dearths, or seasonsâ€™ quality..." William Shakespeare

"Moreover, the universe as a whole is infinite, for whatever is limited has an outermost edge to limit it, and such an edge is defined by something beyond. Since the universe has no edge, it has no limit; and since it lacks a limit, it is infinite and unbounded. Moreover, the universe is infinite both in the number of its atoms and in the extent of its void." Epicurus

"Most people today still believe, perhaps unconsciously, in the heliocentric universe every newspaper in the land has a section on astrology, yet few have anything at all on astronomy." Hannes Alfven

BLOGS, SITES AND PARAPHERNALIA

Sunday, July 30, 2006

People I Am Going To Hell With

Image from: Dribbleglass.com

From: Cynical - C Blog ~ People I Am Going To Hell With

Assorted Non - Believers, Wiccans, Pagans, Shintoists, Sikhs, Jainists - All going to hell.

Atheists - For not believing in god. This illustrious list includes people such as: Richard Dawkins, Woody Allen, Lance Armstrong, Isaac Asimov, Richard Branson, Katharine Hepburn, James Randi and Bill Gates. Just to mention a few. Ok. Bill Gates I can understand. He deserves it because of microsoft.

Aztecs, Mayans, Arawaks, Native Americans, South Pacific Islanders, etc – Some of these people practiced cannibalism like Jeffrey Dahmer but didn’t accept Jesus so we know where they are going. Christians killed a lot of them because they didn’t believe in Jesus so god seems to be fucking them over twice.

Buddhists - Buddha once said that life is suffering. This practice will come in handy while burning in hell.

Confucianists - For providing a system of ethics that doesn't require a supernatural deity. Welcome to hell for about 6 million chinese.

Daoists and Taoists - Taoism is not a religion, nor a philosophy. It is a "Way" of life. It is a River. The Tao is the natural order of things. It is a force that flows through every living and sentient object, as well as through the entire universe. Sounds too much like pantheism. Welcome to hell for preaching about a life of balance being perfect happiness.

Deists and Pantheists - You people are way too passive and inclusive. Everything is divine. Hope you find hell divine.

Greeks - Raping, plundering, murdering, and drinking to excess. And I am talking about their gods! Looks like they are headed to deep in the bowels of Hades!

Hindus - Holy cows but no holy spirit. Straight to hell! Now that the Buddhists and Hindus are in hell, we easily outnumber the people in heaven several times over. Do you think we aren’t going to invade?

Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons and any other cult that turns up at my door on Sunday morning.

Jews - Christians would say that the Jews were on the right path until they kind of killed the Messiah. Oy.

Jews for Jesus - Isn’t this a contradiction. I vote they go to hell for hedging their bets.

Neanderthals and Early Hominids – There is some evidence that they may have believed in an afterlife but since they don’t even get a mention on the bible I think it is safe to assume we will see them in hell.

Scientologists - Tom Cruise, John Travolta and assorted Dianetic Devotees.

Sumerians- The oldest civilization. They worshipped gods such as An and Nammu, but no Yahweh. Welcome to hell Sargon.

Zoroastrianism - One of the earliest known monotheistic religions. Close but no cigar. Straight to hell spoke Zarathustra.

Now that we have the list sorted, who is bringing the gin and tonics and the mah jong?

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” Mark Twain

Other Links:

True Enough For You - I Am Going to Hell, Part 498
Brandon Fuller - I Am Going To Hell
Urban Dictionary - Hell
Why Republicans will burn in Hell

Link

9 Comments:

Larry Gambone said...: Hell is sure as hell gonna be crowded after that list of eternal fire-deserving sinners! I have often thought what a monster Ghod must be - a kind of infinite Hitler - for being so cruel to humans. If your kid does something out of ignorance do you beat him? Then what kind of Ghod would punish us humans - who on the scale of eternity must seem like microbes - for our miserable failings? Since I cannot believe that a Ghod - supposing that he-she-it exists - would be so monstrous, I can only conclude that the people who come up and promote these ideas are total psychopaths and degenerates and should be placed in institutions for the criminally insane. I am not saying this to be forceful or outrageous. I believe this. These lunatics want to destroy the world and right now are trying their best to do so.; 30/7/06 4:26 am
Kelso said...: Hey - I probably haven't read the section of your blog the describes your past experiences with Christians, but I want to ask: What experiences have you had with Christians that have turned you so far against them? Are you comments against Christians or against God himself?; 30/7/06 9:02 am
Arthur_Vandelay said...: Lance Armstrong's an atheist? And God let him win?; 30/7/06 11:54 am
beepbeepitsme said...: RE larry:

I forgot to mention the section of hell for heretics, heathens and blasphemers.

I can imagine that that will also be a very large section.

I figure at this rate there will be the majority of people in hell, limbo and purgatory. Then we only need to get organised, and invade heaven and take over.

The inhabitants of heaven might actually be relieved especially if they have been there for centuries of gratuitous ass-kissing.

RE kelso:

My comments concerning "the fool hath saith in his heart there is no god" etc, were directed at the person who left the comment prior to you, who must have decided that I had no right to an opinion concerning god.

So, .. out of the kindness of their christian heart, they took it upon themselves to insult me and call me a fool.

If you had read the previous comments, you would have understood this before you weighed in with your own opinion.

RE arthur:

Yeah, apparently lance is an atheist. Or so says this website anyway.
Celebrity Atheist List:
http://www.celebatheists.com/index.php?title=Main_Page; 30/7/06 12:49 pm
Anonymous said...: dammit beep, if i have to burn in hell, why oh WHY must Tom-fucking-Cruise be there! Can't we send him somewhere else for eternity? Like a comet or something? Even after we take over heaven, he's still gonna be jumping up and down on SOMEONE'S heavenly couch spouting off about psychology or something. there's no end to his idiocy!

Fuck. Oh well, I'll bring the Bombay Sapphire if someone else will bring the tonic.

Guess we'll have to drink it warm though, shit.

Oh, and it reminds me of a great song by the Bloodhound Gang (or at least a part of it):

And if I go to hell,
Well I hope I burn well,
I'll spend my days with JFK, Marvin Gaye, Martha Ray and Lawrence Welch.
Kurt Cobain, Kojack, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix poltergeist...
And Webster, yeah Emmanuel Lewis 'cause he's the antichrist!

-olly; 3/8/06 4:37 pm
beepbeepitsme said...: lolol @ song.. I gotta find that one; 3/8/06 5:00 pm
Anonymous said...: it's called 'Fire Water Burn' by the Bloodhound Gang, if that helps at all.

:)

-olly; 4/8/06 4:20 am
beepbeepitsme said...: RE olly:
Thanks, I might link to it on the blog.; 4/8/06 12:46 pm
Truthspew said...: Reading this and then watching the Rowan Atkinson as the Devil video gives me such a thrill. At least I'll be among friends when I go to hell.

According to the Phelps Klan we're all going to hell anyhow.

Of course if I believed any of that it would be a different story.; 7/8/06 12:16 am

BEEP! BEEP! IT'S ME.

About Me

Sunday, July 30, 2006

People I Am Going To Hell With

9 Comments: