"Begin at the beginning,and go on till you come to the end: then stop." (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1896)

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

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Location: Australia

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly. If you are familiar with this technology, you will know that the Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation. It excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said; or in this case, what was read. The Babel Fish, thanks to scientific research, reverses the problem defined by its namesake in the Tower of Babel, where a deity was supposedly inspired to confuse the human race by making them unable to understand each other.


Beepbeepitsme has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts.

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Monday, July 31, 2006

God Isn't Real

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Lyrics by Robbie Fulks

A world filled with wonder, a cold, fathomless sky
A man's life so meager, he can but wonder why
He cries out to Heaven its truth to reveal
The answer: only silence, for God isn't real.
Go ask the starving millions under Stalin's cruel reign
Go ask the child with cancer who eases her pain
Then go to your churches, if that's how you feel
But don't ask me to follow, for God isn't real.
He forms in his image a weak and foolish man
Speaks to him in symbols that few understand
For a life of devotion, the death blow he deals
We'd owe Him only hatred, but God isn't real.
Go tell the executioner of the power he can't defy
Go tell his shackled victim of the mercy on high...
Then go to your churches, go beg, pray, and kneel,
But don't ask me to follow, for God isn't real.
No, no matter how He should be, God isn't real.


Sunday, July 30, 2006

An Evangelist I Can Almost Like

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From: ~ Disowning Conservative Politics, Evangelical Pastor Rattles Flock

Before the last presidential election, Reverend Boyd preached six sermons called “The Cross and the Sword” in which he said the church should steer clear of politics, give up moralizing on sexual issues, stop claiming the United States as a “Christian nation” and stop glorifying American military campaigns.

“When the church wins the culture wars, it inevitably loses,” Mr. Boyd preached. “When it conquers the world, it becomes the world. When you put your trust in the sword, you lose the cross.”

And Mr. Boyd has a new book out, “The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power Is Destroying the Church,” which is based on his sermons.

In his six sermons, Mr. Boyd laid out a broad argument that the role of Christians was not to seek “power over” others — by controlling governments, passing legislation or fighting wars. Christians should instead seek to have “power under” others — “winning people’s hearts” by sacrificing for those in need, as Jesus did, Mr. Boyd said.

“America wasn’t founded as a theocracy,” he said. “America was founded by people trying to escape theocracies. Never in history have we had a Christian theocracy where it wasn’t bloody and barbaric. That’s why our Constitution wisely put in a separation of church and state.

“I am sorry to tell you,” he continued, “that America is not the light of the world and the hope of the world. The light of the world and the hope of the world is Jesus Christ.”

If I wasn't an atheist, I would say "Hallelujah."

Matthew 26:52 "Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword."


People I Am Going To Hell With

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Assorted Non - Believers, Wiccans, Pagans, Shintoists, Sikhs, Jainists - All going to hell.

Atheists - For not believing in god. This illustrious list includes people such as: Richard Dawkins, Woody Allen, Lance Armstrong, Isaac Asimov, Richard Branson, Katharine Hepburn, James Randi and Bill Gates. Just to mention a few. Ok. Bill Gates I can understand. He deserves it because of microsoft.

Aztecs, Mayans, Arawaks, Native Americans, South Pacific Islanders, etc – Some of these people practiced cannibalism like Jeffrey Dahmer but didn’t accept Jesus so we know where they are going. Christians killed a lot of them because they didn’t believe in Jesus so god seems to be fucking them over twice.

Buddhists - Buddha once said that life is suffering. This practice will come in handy while burning in hell.

Confucianists - For providing a system of ethics that doesn't require a supernatural deity. Welcome to hell for about 6 million chinese.

Daoists and Taoists - Taoism is not a religion, nor a philosophy. It is a "Way" of life. It is a River. The Tao is the natural order of things. It is a force that flows through every living and sentient object, as well as through the entire universe. Sounds too much like pantheism. Welcome to hell for preaching about a life of balance being perfect happiness.

Deists and Pantheists - You people are way too passive and inclusive. Everything is divine. Hope you find hell divine.

Greeks - Raping, plundering, murdering, and drinking to excess. And I am talking about their gods! Looks like they are headed to deep in the bowels of Hades!

Hindus - Holy cows but no holy spirit. Straight to hell! Now that the Buddhists and Hindus are in hell, we easily outnumber the people in heaven several times over. Do you think we aren’t going to invade?

Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons and any other cult that turns up at my door on Sunday morning.

Jews - Christians would say that the Jews were on the right path until they kind of killed the Messiah. Oy.

Jews for Jesus - Isn’t this a contradiction. I vote they go to hell for hedging their bets.

Neanderthals and Early Hominids – There is some evidence that they may have believed in an afterlife but since they don’t even get a mention on the bible I think it is safe to assume we will see them in hell.

Scientologists - Tom Cruise, John Travolta and assorted Dianetic Devotees.

Sumerians- The oldest civilization. They worshipped gods such as An and Nammu, but no Yahweh. Welcome to hell Sargon.

Zoroastrianism - One of the earliest known monotheistic religions. Close but no cigar. Straight to hell spoke Zarathustra.

Now that we have the list sorted, who is bringing the gin and tonics and the mah jong?

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” Mark Twain

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Friday, July 28, 2006

My Favourite Bible Quotes

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"There is much in the BIBLE against which every instinct of my being rebels, so much that I regret the necessity which has compelled me to read it through from beginning to end. I do not think that the knowledge which I have gained of its history and sources compensates me for the unpleasant details it has forced upon my attention." Helen Keller

"De t’ings dat yo’ li’bleTo read in de BIBLE—It ain’t necessarily so." Ira Gershwin

"The BIBLE and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation." Elizabeth Cady Stanton

"Properly read, the BIBLE is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived." Isaac Asimov

"If the BIBLE is mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust it to tell us where we're going?" Justin Brown

“It is not as in the BIBLE, that God created man in his own image. But, on the contrary, man created God in his own image.” Ludwig Feuerbach

"If all the historic books of the BIBLE were blotted from the memory of mankind, nothing of value would be lost.." Robert Ingersoll

"I read Shakespeare and the BIBLE, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education." Tallulah Bankhead

"The BIBLE is one of the most genocidal books in history." Noam Chomsky

"We either accept weaknesses in good people or we have to tear pages out of the BIBLE." Robert Duvall

"Many of us view the BIBLE and other religious teachings as mythology." Richard King

"The BIBLE contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynn Lavner

"What happens someday if more people own my record than the BIBLE? That will make me god because a lot more people believe in me than him? Because it's just about popularity. There are plenty of people in the world how have never heard of Jesus, while America takes him for granted." Marilyn Manson

"I know of no book which has been a source of brutality and sadistic conduct, both public and private, that can compare with the BIBLE." James Paget

"I got a book token for Christmas and exchanged it for a book called A History of Art, and that book (which I still have-battered and falling to pieces) became more precious to me than any BIBLE." Philip Pullman

"Suppose you went to your priest and asked for help - he would refer you to the BIBLE, but if you went the next day to your medical doctor, and he referred you to the book of Hippocrates, which was written at about the same time as the BIBLE, you would think that was old-fashioned." John Templeton

"It ain't those parts of the BIBLE that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand." Mark Twain


Thursday, July 27, 2006

Praying to the Porcelain God

From: ~ (Parenthetical Remarks) ~ Praying to the Porcelain God
Flush your favourite holy book @ Flush A Holy Book
The "Flushing Statistics" so far :
  • Bible: 284
  • Qur’an: 175
  • Book of Mormon: 144
  • other holy books: 105
  • Vedas: 76
  • Torah: 58
  • Avesta: 25
  • Guru Granth Sahib: 13
(Yeah, I don't know what the Guru Granth Sahib is either...)


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Monty Python - The Galaxy Song

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Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o-ough...
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Would You Give This Man A Green Card?

WARNING:~ This Article Contains Adult Concepts, Please Censor Yourself.

If Jesus was to apply for a green card, which category would he apply under?

1. Family Based Immigration?
No, Jesus doesn't have any family living in the US, apparently he didn't act on any of his sexual desires.

2. Employment Based Immigration?
Possibly, as his followers believe him to be a person of extraordinary ability. Walking on water and rising from the dead being two of his supposed special feats.

3. Green Card Lottery?
I can't really see Jesus lining up to gamble as to whether he will be lucky enough to win a green card. Afterall, here was a guy who was unlucky enough to be killed by his own father.

4. Investor?
Jesus as a foreign entrepeneur? Firstly he would need to have at least $500, 000 to invest and as a humble carpenter, I don't think he would have that sort of money to invest anywhere.

5. Private Bill ?
Perhaps Jesus has a compelling humanitarian reason to stay permanently in the US. Afterall, Israel isn't particularly interested in offering him residence, and come to think of it, he isn't too popular in most of the Middle East.

6. Diplomat?
This would need to assume that Jesus is a high level diplomat who can't return to his home country because of persecution or a well-founded fear of persecution. Well really, how many times can you kill someone? If he goes back to Israel, is it legitimate or even remotely possible to nail him up again?
I thought crucifixions were a once only affair.

7. Asylum?
Ditto, except he doesn't need to be a diplomat. Jesus didn't appear to be especially diplomatic or sane in his dealing with a fig tree. Cursing a fig tree because it doesn't bear fruit out of season seems more like a plea for insanity than a plea for political assylum.

8. Refugee?
Ditto. He only needs to be a foreign national who is displaced by war, famine, and civil and political unrest. This seems likely given the religious wars in the middle east at the moment.

Personally, I think Jesus would apply for a green card and employment in the US based on his claims of extraordinary abilities because:

  • He wouldn't be asked to provide evidence for any of his claims.
  • His claims would be taken on blind faith.
  • Anything positive that happened in the country would be attributed to him, and anything negative would be attributed to Canada.

But just incase, by some stroke of bad luck, his application fails, you can be one of the other religious nutballs who have signed their name to demand that Jesus will have AUTOMATIC legal status when he returns.

Please see below ~

To: US Citizenship and Immigration Services
We, the Christians of Americans, demand that you grant the US Citizenship to Jesus Christ, the son of God. We, the good Christians of America know that our Lord and Savior will return to earth and we want to make sure he has a legal status in the USA.
The Undersigned



Sunday, July 23, 2006

After the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?

The Rapture Index is by no means meant to predict the rapture, however, the index is designed to measure the type of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture.

You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we're moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture.

POLL: ~ After the Rapture can I have your car?


Are You A Fascist?

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Image from ~ Juggernuts

Do the test ~ The Fascism Scale

Fifty years ago, the Authoritarian Personality studies attempted to "construct an instrument that would yield an estimate of fascist receptivity at the personality level."

Fascism is a radical totalitarian political philosophy that combines elements of corporatism, authoritarianism, extreme nationalism, militarism, anti-anarchism, anti-communism and anti-liberalism.

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." Sinclair Lewis


Friday, July 21, 2006

Imagine There's No Heaven

Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make when in the presence of religious dogma. The atheist is merely a person who believes that the 260 million Americans (87% of the population) who claim to never doubt the existence of God should be obliged to present evidence for his existence and, indeed, for his benevolence, given the relentless destruction of innocent human beings we witness in the world each day.

Only the atheist recognizes the boundless narcissism and self-deceit of the saved. Only the atheist realizes how morally objectionable it is for survivors of a catastrophe to believe themselves spared by a loving God while this same God drowned infants in their cribs.


Thursday, July 20, 2006

Will Ferrel As G W On Global Warming

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Global warming is the observed increase in the average temperature of the Earth's atmosphere and oceans in recent decades.

The prevailing scientific opinion on climate change is that "most of the warming observed over the last 50 years is attributable to human activities".

The increased amounts of carbon dioxide (CO2) and other greenhouse gases (GHGs) are the primary causes of the human-induced component of warming.

They are released by the burning of fossil fuels, land clearing and agriculture, etc. and lead to an increase in the greenhouse effect.

An increase in global temperatures can in turn cause other changes, including a rising sea level and changes in the amount and pattern of precipitation.

These changes may increase the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, such as floods, droughts, heat waves, hurricanes, and tornados.

Other consequences include higher or lower agricultural yields, glacier retreat, reduced summer streamflows, species extinctions and increases in the ranges of disease vectors.



Letter to Ann Coulter from Henry Rollins


Dear Ann:
You used to be fun; at least funny. At least gently and amusingly insane, but girlfriend, you’ve changed! The thousand-yard stare you’ve acquired in the last couple of years says lonely nights, too much wine and insecurity about the future of your career.

Where to now, my sweet fascist? Another one of your silly books? More hilarious appearances on Hannity & Colmes? Bill Maher has to be tired of you by now. You’re anything but stupid and by now , you must see the writing on the wall. You’ll never have a real place with the Beltway in crowd, as they see you as a northeastern, hickoid, pro wrestler, Nascar type with a degree from Cornell. I mean, really, Ann; where can it go from here?

Ann, I think I have the answer, in fact, I know I do. I want to hire you, Ann. I want you to come and work for me. I want you to be my “Ann Friday,” my housekeeper, beekeeper, floor, chimney and minesweeper, my window-washing, grocery-buying, dinner-cooking, obsequious, submissive concubine-domestic.

You will laugh at my jokes, celebrate my victories and lament my failures. You will praise my friends and vow great harm upon all who oppose me. You will treat me like a god, a guru, a mentor – and the best night in the sack you’ve ever had. You will carry my bags, wash my cars, walk my dogs and turn your savings over to me. You will massage Susan Sarandon’s aching shoulders, whip up vegan delights for Hanoi Jane Fonda, and loofah Barbra Streisand’s stretch marks. But most of all, Ann, you will just shut the fuck up.

I can offer you a life of obedient servitude on my compound; in your time with me, you will learn much. You will learn that America is made up of people from all races, walks of life and sexual orientation and that it’s all OK. You will learn to be patient and kind. You will learn the meaning of the word “respect” and memorize every line of Caddyshack.

You will listen to The Ramones, Black Sabbath and the Brides of Funkenstein. You’re a figure of fun and I plan on having fun with that figure. You will learn who your daddy is, that’s for sure. But mostly, Ann, you will just the fuck up.Come on, Anne, ya fuckin’ psycho; let’s do this!



Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Teach The Controversy

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From : ~ Crazy World

Teach the Controversy is the name of both a strategy and a campaign designed and led by the Discovery Institute and other intelligent design (ID) advocates. The campaign is intended to undermine the teaching of evolution while promoting intelligent design, and to advance an education policy for US public schools that introduces creationist explanations for the origin of life to public-school science curricula.

Basically, even the description, "Teach the Controversy" was misappropriated in an attempt to lend an air of legitimacy towards ID as scientific theory.

If we follow the rightwing think tank's version of events, not only should we be teaching chemistry, but also alchemy. Not only neurology but phrenology. Not only physics but magic and not only astronomy but also astrology.

Perhaps we could also chuck in a few courses on palm reading, tarot cards and the I Ching while we are at it.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Are You Religious?

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that).You prefer to think about what's known and proven.You don't need religion to solve life's problems.Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.
Do the test and find out.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.


Monday, July 17, 2006

Evolution By Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet

In a new study, 13 mothers were asked to sniff soiled diapers belonging to both their own child and others from an unrelated baby. The women consistently ranked the smell of their own child's feces as less revolting than that of other babies.

One possible explanation is that the mothers were simply more accustomed to their their baby's stink and therefore found it less repulsive. A more intriguing possibility, the researchers say, is that the mothers' reactions are an
evolutionary adaptation allowing them to overcome their natural disgust so that they can properly care for their babies.

"A mother's disgust at her baby's
feces has the potential to obstruct her ability to care for her baby and may even affect the strength of the bond she has with her baby," the researchers write.

The finding is among the latest in a series of studies suggesting that humans can determine biological relatedness through body odor. Another recent study found that mothers more accurately identify and prefer the smell of their biological children over that of stepchildren.

In other words, it may be evolutionary advantageous to find the smell of your own baby's poop less revolting than the smell of other babys' poop.



Sunday, July 16, 2006

Pearl Jam - Do the Evolution

From Wikipedia: ~

"Do the Evolution" is a song by Pearl Jam, from the album Yield. Like All of Yield, Do the Evolution was heavily influenced by the book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. The lyrics paint a dire and pessimistic view of humanity as a thoughtlessly selfish and violent species, so enamored of its own achievements that it is blinded to its faults. It also shows how history repeats itself.

The video begins with the evolution of life, from the smallest cell to the extinction of dinosaurs and reign of homo sapiens.

The video evolves into depicting human beings in violent yet historically true scenes such as a knight preparing for the coming slaughter during the Crusades, a ritual dance by America's infamous KKK, a rally by Nazi troops, carnage upon a World War I-era battlefield, the apparent rape of a young woman, and the bombing of a Vietnamese village by an American jet, the pilot of which removes his mask to reveal a skull laughing wildly.

The video concludes in what seem to be future scenarios of the self-destruction of the human race, including the carpet bombing of a city by futuristic aircraft, computers hijacking the human mind, and finally a nuclear explosion which leaves a city in ruins.

Pearl Jam - "Do the Evolution" Lyrics

Woo..I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
I'm at peace with my lust
I can kill 'cause in God I trust, yeah
It's evolution, baby
I'm at peace, I'm the man
Buying stocks on the day of the crash
On the loose, I'm a truck
All the rolling hills, I'll flatten 'em out, yeah
It's herd behavior, uh huh
It's evolution, baby
Admire me, admire my home
Admire my son, he's my clone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
This land is mine, this land is free
I'll do what I want but irresponsibly
It's evolution, baby
I'm a thief, I'm a liar
There's my church, I sing in the choir:(hallelujah, hallelujah)
Admire me, admire my home
Admire my son, admire my clones
'Cause we know, appetite for a nightly feast
Those ignorant Indians got nothin' on me
Nothin', why?
Because... it's evolution, baby!
I am ahead, I am advanced
I am the first mammal to make plans, yeah
I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
2010, watch it go to fire
It's evolution, baby
Do the evolution
Come on, come on, come on



Chicken Lays Mystery Allah Egg

Forget about the egg. Who or what was the chicken?

A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.

"Our mosque confirmed that it says 'Allah' in Arabic," Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.

"We'll keep this egg and we don't think it'll go bad."

The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village.

Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion.



Friday, July 14, 2006

To Be A Bush, Or To Be A Bushism? That Is The Question.

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Image: "George As The Burning Bush"
My Favourite Bushisms

I have provided a title so Bush Believers will also be able to understand what the rest of us are laughing about.

George Is A Mom?
"So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well."—St. Louis, Jan. 5, 2004

What about the WMD the US Has, George?
"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."—Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

Maybe He Meant "Explore"?
"We've got hundreds of sites to exploit, looking for the chemical and biological weapons that we know Saddam Hussein had prior to our entrance into Iraq."—Santa Clara, Calif., May 2, 2003

George Wants To Restore Chaos. Mission Completed
"You're free. And freedom is beautiful. And, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order—order out of chaos. But we will."—Washington, D.C., April 13, 2003

We Must Invade Iraq To Stop Saddam Terrorising Himself.
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."—Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

This Is Just Wrong On So Many Levels. How About Presumption Of Innocence And "Prosecute" Not "Persecute"
"When Iraq is liberated, you will be treated, tried, and persecuted as a war criminal."—Washington, D.C., Jan. 22, 2003

The US Is Going To Disarm If Saddam Doesn't
"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."—Speaking about Saddam Hussein, Manchester, N.H., Oct. 5, 2002

Why George? Thinking About Pulling Out The Klan Outfit?
"Do you have blacks, too?"—To Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

George Wanted Arafat To Rule The World
"After all, a week ago, there were—Yasser Arafat was boarded up in his building in Ramallah, a building full of, evidently, German peace protestors and all kinds of people. They're now out. He's now free to show leadership, to lead the world."—Washington, D.C., May 2, 2002

George Gives Us A Hint Why His Businesses Have Gone Bankrupt
"We've tripled the amount of money—I believe it's from $50 million up to $195 million available."—Lima, Peru, March 23, 2002

George Doesn't Want Peace To Happen
"My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the—in the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen."—Crawford, Texas, Aug, 13, 2001

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."—Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000

Ummm It Is A Federal Program?
"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."—St. Charles, Mo., Nov. 2, 2000

Fish Are Violent Apparently
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."—Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

Most Imports DO Come From Overseas
"It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas."—Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000

George Loves His Wife Like He Loves His Brother
"She is a fabulous First Lady. I was a lucky man when she said, yes, I agree to marry you. I love her dearly, and I'm proud of the job she's doing on behalf of all Americans. Just like I love my brother." - George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Florida, Sep. 9, 2003

The Nazis Agree With You About Propaganda
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --President Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

Please Shut Up Now
"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection — an election in Iraq at this point in history?" —George W. Bush, at the white House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005

I Am Begging You. Shut Up
"I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it's easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?" —George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

"The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany." —George W. Bush, D.C., May 5, 2006

George Wants To Control Us Not Defend Freedom
"Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life." —George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

And My All Time Favourite
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004


The Best Of Bushisms